Friday, April 22, 2011

Da Bomb Dot Com

I talk really fast in this vlog. That's what happens when you wake up at the same time as usual and can't go back to sleep even though you don't have to go to work. Also, I started talking before the video was recording. Ignore that. Happy Friday, everyone!



And the new website I mentioned can be found at http://www.snarksquad.blogspot.com/ so CHECK. IT. OUT. We only have our intro post up for right now, but starting Monday, the reviews will begin!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words, Or Some Shit Like That

I'm a little behind on bloggy things because Lorraine and I are geniuses and are running a new website. We've recruited three other snarky bloggers to help us read/review/mock books from our childhood, like Sweet Valley High, Goosebumps, etc. Hopefully we'll have the site up and running in the next couple of weeks, and then I can get back to posting about my Dallas trip. Stay tuned for more information!

My week in iPhone photos:

My sister got me a birthday present. She apparently knows my sense of humor. Obviously, Andy and I immediately put it above his side of the bed because LOL, y'all. That shit is funny.


My dad recently started attending the same university as me to get yet another degree. He's only up there once a week, and he makes a point to embarrass my (other) sister and me as much as possible by yelling HEY! MY LOVELY DAUGHTERS! FANCY SEEING YOU HERE! HEY EVERYONE, LOOK AT ME AND MY LOVELY DAUGHTERS, ATTENDING COLLEGE TOGETHER, AREN'T WE ALL SO CUTE? I came out of class one night to find this on the back of my dirty ass car:


I used to work as an administrative assistant/office manager/resident bitch for an air conditioning company, run by an old, creepy man who constantly called his wife "HunnyyyyBunnyyyyyyyy" in my presence. Ew. Just.... ew. I left the company about a year and a half ago and haven't thought of them much since. Until this pulled up next to me at a red light:


In case you can't see it clearly, it has a pornographic picture of a woman in a bathing suit with the caption, "Your wife is sooo hot! She wants her AC fixed right now!"

Just picturing that ridiculously old man put this poster together makes me vom a little in my mouth.

Another reason I've been unable to post is because I've been so super busy watching Andy build a porch. Sitting in a chair, reading Sweet Valley High, and glancing up occasionally to say, "That looks cute," is exhausting, y'all.

Also?

MY PAJAMAJEANS CAME IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY ZOMG I AM SO EXCITED I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE! #PAJAMAJEANS4LYFE

PajamaLoveSexJeans, IT IS SO ON.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Karaoke Ring of Death: One Hit Wonders


It's karaoke time, y'all! I'll be using my school finals/wedding planning as an excuse yet again as to why I didn't make a video this time. "/ Don'tjudge.

Here are just a few examples of what you'll see as you click through the links to watch all the amazing One Hit Wonder song choices. We have dancing, drunkenness, and plenty of singing to go around. We'll be taking a break from the Karaoke Ring of Death next month, but if you want in for the next round, send me an email at tatorhead328 at yahoo dot com, and I'll make sure to add you to the email list. If you'd like to see karaoke videos from months past, just click that little Karaoke Ring of Death tab at the top of this page. On to the show!

Alicia is a Karaoke Ring of Death virgin, and she is officially on my list of amazing people for choosing to RICKROLL the fucking Karaoke Ring. You won this round, Alicia. Rickrolling is always a win. ALWAYS.



K. Syrah and her hawt husband made a gorgeous video that might have maybe given me goosebumps except that I'm so not lame enough to get teary eyed at a video of two people in love singing together. Ahem.



And here is Alexandra the Tsaritsa, who chose a song that I had completely forgotten about and immediately ran to download when she mentioned that she would be singing it. Plus she hasn't missed a karaoke ring yet because she's a badass. Without further ado...



Check out the rest of the karaoke singers at the links below. Again, thanks everyone for participating, and I can't wait to see what you come up with next time!

K. Syrah with I'll Be
Tsaritsa with Little Black Backpack
Alex with The Freshman
Katie with Breathless
Cassie with Lovefool
TJ with Died In Your Arms Tonight
Coyote Rose with I Wanna Be Bad
Tristachio with Final Countdown
Jes with Mother Mother
Ash with Mickey
Nyx with Achy Breaky Heart
Daniella with Hit Em Up Style
Erin with Drops of Jupiter
Kandace with Play That Funky Music
Bianca with No Rain
DB with Tainted Love
Alicia with Never Gonna Give You Up

Monday, April 11, 2011

I Heard the Chicago Dog is Good

On the way to Dallas, we stopped at Sonic for dinner.

Me:  What's everyone getting?

Emily:  I heard the Chicago dog is really good. I think I'll get that.

We all enjoy our delicious Sonic food and head out.

Two hours later, we stop for a bathroom break. After emptying our bowels, we all pile back in the car.

Andy:  Ugh. It smells like rotten ass in here. Is that the relish from the Chicago dog?

Emily:  I've been thinking this whole time, 'Andy should have thrown away that nasty ass Sonic bag with the leftover hot dog in it.' That smell is awful.

Katelynn: Andy did throw that bag away.

*Silence*

Which is when Emily sniffs her hands and realizes that the moldy ass relish smell is, indeed, coming from her hands and has been stinking up the car for the past 150 miles.

What a great start to a great road trip, amiright?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Sara Does Dallas: Six Flags

Sorry it's taking me so long to get these blog posts going. My excuse is that it's the end of the semester and work is crazy and I'm planning my wedding and ZOMG I AM SO TIRED, Y'ALL.

We woke up bright and early Saturday morning (9 AM is bright and early for a Saturday, right?) so we could make it to Six Flags right as it was opening for the day. After turning my alarm off once or twice or twelve times, I finally opened my eyes to the world and saw that Katelynn had apparently woken up at three o'clock in the fucking morning because she had taken a shower, fixed her hair, chosen her outfit, put on makeup, smoked a cigarette, had a cup of coffee, and solved world hunger before any of the rest of us lazy fucks even considered getting out of bed.

(Aside:  Going on vacation with a bunch of cigarette smokers is kind of hilarious. I smoke, but I never have one until after noon. Smoking in the morning, for me, is vom-city. But the first thing Andy, Katelynn, and Emily did every morning we were in Dallas was stumble out to the non-smoking balcony with sleep still in their eyes, barely able to light their cigarettes because they had literally just woken up three seconds earlier.)

On the way to Six Flags, we stopped at McDonalds and Starbucks (uh, yes, we stopped at both) (stopjudgingme) for sustenance to make it through the very busy day we had planned. After finishing our food and throwing the rest to the birds, we programmed Sir TomTom with Six Flag's address and set out on our second journey in Dallas. Here are a few excerpts from conversation between me and Andy on the drive there:

"You have to go straight here, you have to go str... um, I guess we could turn around."

"Which lane am I supposed to be in?" "TomTom isn't telling me, hang on, I think this is right, oh shit. Um, my bad. I guess we could turn around."

"FUCK IT. I'm gonna drive like I'm from Dallas from now on. Fuck these other cars."

"TOMTOM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FIGURE IT THE FUCK OUT WE ARE IN DALLAS HOW DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THIS IT IS YOUR JOB FUCKITY FUCK FUCK"

Emily and Katelynn sat in the backseat quietly, like children trying not to upset or distract their parents from directions. See, the thing that sucks about driving in Dallas is that you can see your destination, but you have NO FUCKING CLUE how to get there. We circled around Six Flags a few times. "It looks lovely. It would probably be even lovelier if we could, oh, I don't know, here's a crazy concept, GO INSIDE."

When we finally made it to the entrance, the car erupted in cheers. SIX FLAGS!!! We parked in BFE and made our way to the entrance to begin our adventure. We decided that the first roller coaster we would go on would be an easy one, on account of me and Katelynn being complete and total wusses.


While we were standing in line to get on the ride, Katelynn started acting a little nervous, especially while watching the Mr. Freeze ride right next to our little rinky dink mine train ride. It was then that we discovered that Katelynn has never been on a real roller coaster. Like a flip you upside down and make you scream for the entire duration of the ride and leave your stomach back on the platform kind of roller coaster.

After the Runaway Mine Train, Andy and Emily declared that they would be riding Mr. Freeze. I immediately felt like I needed to throw up and prayed to the gods above that Katelynn wouldn't want to do it, so I didn't have to feel like such a little bitch for backing out. Thankfully, she said she would sit that one out, also, and we went to get drinks and smoke cigarettes like 15 year olds being oh so cool while we waited for them to get off the ride.



We stood by some lockers, talking and observing the ridiculous groups of people who were at Six Flags that day. First, we saw a group of emo hipster kids who were obviously dying from the heat in their long sleeved band shirts and knit hats and fake Buddy Holly glasses, but goddamnit, they are hipster and they MUST. SHOW. EVERYONE.

We saw those girls. You know the ones. The ones who have severe DEFCON 5 hurricane damage on the back of their thighs but still choose to wear booty shorts. The ones who make you want to puke because they buy their clothes in the junior section when they are all sorts of grown ass woman. The ones who wear spaghetti strap shirts with the brightest color bra they own because I'M WEARING A BRA EVERYONE LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME.

While we were standing there, group after group of stereotype walked by. "It's like God knows it's your birthday weekend, and this is his gift to you," Katelynn said. "Here you go, Sara... some stereotypes for your viewing pleasure."

We had been waiting for Andy and Emily for about 45 minutes when a woman on one of those motorized chairs pulled up. We were in the middle of a conversation when it happened.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

She was backing up.

You know when you're in a meeting or at school, and you're not supposed to laugh, but you can't help yourself, so your whole body just shakes while you're holding it in, and eventually one big loud GUFFAW escapes. Yeah. That's pretty much exactly what happened. Not only because of the beeping, but because she totally almost plowed Katelynn down as she was backing up. MA'AM. THAT CART IS DANGEROUS. CALM. DOWN.

After about an hour and a half of waiting, I convinced Katelynn that we should just leave Emily and Andy because I was tired and hot and grouchy. We started walking away, and the second we passed the exit line, we saw them.

Remember this timing. It will come up in a later post.

While we had been standing by ourselves, I'd convinced Katelynn that we should go on the Batman next.


This would be Katelynn's first real roller coaster. Even Andy had never been on a danging feet roller coaster. We were all pumped and ready to go!

(Aside:  In line, there was a group of high school girls in front of us with a mom. The poor mom looked so lonely and sad. Occasionally, she would turn her body to face us and interject a comment in our conversation or give me a "please let me be friends with you guys right now i'm so bored omgsaveme" smile. Poor mom.)

When we finally made it to the ride, Katelynn started panicking.

"I can just wait for you guys on the other side. I really don't think I want to do this. I think I'm just going to skip it."

Emily told Katelynn she didn't have to ride if she didn't want to.

Uh, fuck that shit.

I talked incessantly (so not that different than usual) so Katelynn wouldn't even have a chance to say she didn't want to do it. The whole time we made our way onto the ride and started buckling in, I rambled, trying to keep her from getting a word in.

"Katelynn, it's totally going to be fine. Trust me, I'm scared of heights, too. It's really no big deal. You're going to regret it if you skip this ride. It's a total rush, don't worry about it. Close your eyes and think of England."

When the employee came by to buckle our seat belts, Katelynn told him, "I don't think I can do this." "You'll be fine," he said in a monotone voice as he slammed her seat lock on. Guess she's going on the ride now.

I looked over at her, and her face was completely white. Katelynn doesn't lose her cool very often, but she looked terrified. She was gripping the hand rails so hard that her knuckles were white, and I thought she might puke. "Just close your eyes and hold on to the handlebars as hard as you can," I said. The ride jerked to a start and Katelynn let out a mini squeal of terror. "CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW," I practically screamed in her ear.

Batman is a very short ride, so when it ended ten seconds later, I immediately looked over at Katelynn. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, and her mouth was hanging open. She looked like she was in shock. I figured she either really, really loved it or she was going to destroy me when we got off the ride.

"So..... what did you think?"

"Oh. My. God. That was SO AWESOME. Let's do it again!"

Thus, a roller coaster lover was born. All she needed was a little tough love! After riding a few more rides and getting sunburnt beyond belief, we decided to head back to the hotel so we could shower and eat before the best part of the entire trip................


MEDIIIIEEEEVAL TIIIIIIIIIIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!