But three minutes later, I drank a beer and completely forgot about the note, the sheriff's department, and the ass raping.
Cut to this morning.
I woke up late, as usual, and was leaving my house at 8 AM (the time I'm supposed to be at work, sitting in my cube, doing worky type things). I just happened to see the note sticking out of my purse, so I decided to call on the way to work.
"Hi, I was supposed to call this number and speak to Detective Thomas about something?"
"Yes, I needed to get in touch with you because you're due in court today."
What the fucking fuck?
Turns out, I was supposed to be a witness in a case I wrote about on my blog, in a post titled, You're Welcome, Community, that none of you probably read because only about 15 people with nothing better to do read my blog at that point. So just go over there, read that, and come back because I don't feel like explaining it again. Go ahead, I'll wait.
So I was supposed to be in court at 9 AM, and it was already 8:15 on account of me being late. And not only did I have to make it to court, but I also had to go meet the police officer who decided to wait until the same goddamn day as court to tell me I had to be there and then act like I was doing something wrong by not being home between the hours of 8 and 5 Monday through Friday.
But I really, really hate that stupid dickface who stole money from me and lied to me about stealing money from me and who was caught on camera stealing fucking money from me and WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SIR.
When I got to the courthouse, I took a seat in the back and waited for the show to begin. But of course I didn't realize that I would be sitting there for three hours, watching drunkies plead guilty to their DUIs all. goddamn. morning. Not to mention, the person next to me smelled like a large piece of rotting asshole. So, yeah, that was funsies had by all.
When they finally, finally, finally called the name for my case, there was silence. The lawyers glanced around, but nobody came forward. Because apparently the fat fuckface DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP. But wait! There's more! Not only did he skip his court date, he's planning on pleading NOT GUILTY to a crime that was caught. On motherfucking camera!
ALSJVOIAWEHJFOIJASDFOIVE MORE ANGRY NOISES RAWWRRR
Which means that now I have to wait for another court summons and have to take another day off of work to take care of this bit-ness. But since there was nothing I could do, I left to make the drive back to work.
Aside: On the way to my car, I got hit on by a thug. He was probably about to go inside and be arrested. Still flattered? Obviously.
After my long morning at court, I decided to crank up the music and enjoy my good mood drive to work, when I came to a light that was turning yellow and not leaving me much time to make it through.
And then? AND. FUCKING. THEN.
I slammed on my brakes hard to stop in time, and a bottle of orange juice in my back seat erupted like Dante's Fucking Peak was in my car. It was all over my windshield, my window, my door, my textbooks, and ALL. OVER. ME. I was covered in orange juice. Which I don't even like, btdubs. Which was only in my car because I had been sick the week before. Which makes me want to find whoever invented orange juice and punch him in the dick for making it smell so goddamn bad.
And now my entire car smells like I'm living in a Florida orange tree. Remind me to stab myself in the face on my drive home from work. That's probably the only thing that will distract me from the smell.
Apparently that's what I get for trying to help clean up the community.