Speaking of baller, I finally got my Christmas tree put up. And it wasn't anywhere near as tragic as last year's Christmas tree dramz.
|The spray bottle is for giving the cat a big FUCK NO when she tries to climb the tree.|
Andy was being all Christmascroogey for a minute there, but once we got the Christmas tree, he stopped complaining about all the "damn Christmas music" and "freakin' Christmas decorations" everywhere. We decided to go to Toys R Us and get two presents for Toys for Tots: one for a girl and one for a boy. Andy declared that his present would be better because boy toys are cooler, and I was all UM. LOL, NO, because girls have dress up things and dolls and pretend makeup and motherfuckin' Barbie, who runs the entire country. (No shit, you guys. She's a police officer, a teacher, a doctor, a streetwalker. Bitch is busy.)
But then we went in the toy store. I will admit defeat when I have to, y'all. BOY TOYS ARE SO FUCKING COOL OMG. They have fucking dinosaurs with robot guns on their backs, remote controlled sharks that will eat your face off, and army men battlefields all over the place. When we walked down the aisle with the full-size G. I. Joes, Andy kept saying, "Oh my God! My Army men would love this!" and "Sara, you have got to come over here immediately to see this Lego set" and "WE NEED TO HAVE A KID."
All the parents shopping for their kids looked frazzled, miserable, and exhausted. We, however, were having the time of our lives, playing with all of the toys and SQUEEEE'ing over things we didn't have when we were kids. I had to tell Andy to stop talking shit about the slutty off-brand Barbies, and he had to tell me that army men don't need to have a whole life story before they die in battle and when they finally do die, please stop making it so overdramatic.
We both eventually picked our toys out and met up in the middle aisle.
|When I said that Joe was pretty sexy, Andy told me to stop hitting on his army man.|
Turns out, we'd picked out the perfect couple! We decided that G. I. Joe is actually the prince in disguise. See, he wants to fight for his country, but if anyone knew who he was, they'd blast his face off in a heartbeat. So he stays undercover, all the while dreaming of the day when he can finally come home and be with Blair Barbie forever. I mean, look at her. She's hawt. Also, she comes with a slutty schoolgirl outfit.
Now could one of my friends / siblings / acquaintances please hurry up and have a freaking baby so me and Andy can play with all of these toys for real?!
|G. I. Andy & Sara Barbie|
Oh! Also! I made a Best Of page, mainly because I wanted to make sure my Snuggie GIF never dies. Ch-ch-check it out!