Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Giant Rooster and a Giveaway

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for a little contest.

Last week, my friend Cynthia rented out a booth at a craft fair downtown. My sister and I decided to go together to support her new business. After we parked and started walking towards the festival and the booths, we looked around and noticed that we were a bit out of place. "Do you feel really white right now?" we asked each other, before looking up and noticing a huge banner that read, "PHILLIPINO FESTIVAL."

Cynthia had a smaller booth on the outside of the commotion, and she was sitting down with my other sister when Sabrina and I walked up. We looked through her jewelry and found some really pretty things. Sabrina bought me a gorgeous necklace, and I found another really cute one that I wanted to give away on my blog.

Cynthia: Here's some change. You guys don't have to pay full price.
Sabrina: Cynthia, you give us free jewelry every Christmas and birthday. I think it'll be fine if I pay you full price.
Cynthia: No, really! Here you go! Take this five back!
Sabrina: *look of death*
Cynthia: *withers away*

Her look of death is that powerful, y'all. I swear, she learned it from my mother and it makes your tummy a little queasy inside when the full wrath of it hits you in the face.

After purchasing our goodies, Cynthia pointed to a booth across from her with two preteenaged girls sitting behind it. You know, the ZOMG ROBERT PATTINSON IS SO DREAMY LOLZ I LUV HIM age. I glanced at their booth, looked away, and OHMYFUCKINGGOD DOUBLETAKE.

These girls are fucking awesome.
GUYS! It says "Pursy Girls!" They make purses, jeez. Stop being so gross and thinking it says something else. Pervs.

We decided to leave after about an hour of milling around, but the road we came in on was blocked due to traffic. We went the other way and just hoped we would find our way out easily. Downtown Shreveport isn't very large, and it only takes a few blocks to figure out where you are. Sabrina was turning down a road in the ghetto when we came to a stop sign and BEHOLD! A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT FROM GOD!

There was A HUGE COCK in the middle of a deserted parking lot. It made no sense. There was no business in the vicinity of this cock. There wasn't a sign on the cock. There wasn't anything explaining what the fuck this random cock was doing in a parking lot.

Sabrina: Do you want to take a picture with it??

Is this not a GIANT cock or what?
I'm pretty sure God placed that cock there as a present for me, because what other explanation could there possibly be for a random rooster in the middle of nowhere down a ghetto street that my sister just happened to turn down. God is all, "I know life has been a little stressful for you lately, Sara. So here. Enjoy this giant cock."

I most certainly will, sir, I most certainly will....

And now it's your turn to win a gift! But not from God, from me. God could probably give you way cooler shit, but would he show you a picture of him wearing said shit? I think not. You lose this round, God. You're all entering to win this very cute necklace that I bought from Cynthia.

If you have cleavage, the pendant falls right between  your boobies! WIN!
All you have to do to enter is come up with a caption for the picture of me with the giant cock. Leave your caption in the comments section below, and my sister Sabrina will be choosing her favorite as the winner, since we all owe it to her for finding the giant cock in the first place. You can enter as many times as you want, and don't be afraid to get dirrrty. Since I know a lot of you (including me) are going through finals right now, I'll keep the contest open until Friday, May 13th.


And speaking of Friday the 13th, Childhood Trauma will have a brand new Goosebumps review up to celebrate! Look forward to that! And if you have any Sweet Valley High books you'd like to donate to the website (aka ME), send me an email! Also, also, we will be having Karaoke Ring of Death next month, and I'm thinking the theme will be either rap or songs from your high school playlist. Ideas? Suggestions? Complaints? Leave me a comment! (Unless it's a complaint, then you can just take that shit right to the shredder because my department doesn't handle those, thankyouverymuch.)


  1. Hugging the breast of a giant cock. That totally makes sense.

    Love the pic, great stuff!


  2. "Foghorn Leghorn ain't got nuthin on me"

  3. That's some funny shit right there. Good stuff.

    "A cock is worth a thousand hugs."

  4. "Remember children, when holding a giant cock, it is best practice to turn your face away from its head."

  5. "Sara was walking funny for weeks after this encounter"

  6. "don't be jealous i find all the big cocks"

    "when i kissed the head he clucked"

    "a cock so big, even my arms wouldn't fit around it"

    i could go on. i love cocks. especially the bigg'ens.

  7. "this cock could use some manscaping"

  8. Pursy girls is a great name for a purse company, haha!~ I'm sure they get a good amount of traffic with that name.

    I love taking photos with giant mascots, but your cock is especially magnificent.

    "Have you hugged your cock today?"

  9. "Does this big cock make my ass look fat? No? FINALLY!"

  10. I don't want the necklace, give it to Tsa if mine is chosen but I just can't help leaving a caption...

    "I've never seen a cock this big! Well, a white one anyway"

    And seriously, I'm a little disappointed that you didn't climb on top of that giant cock and take it for a ride.

  11. I don't care about jewelry, but I do want you to know that I've seen a bigger cock, and if you come visit me, I'll show you. :)

  12. Randomly coming across that ginormous cock definitely had to be an act of God. I'd be excited too ; )

    "Let's get the sappy stuff out of the way so we can get on the the clucking"

  13. Women love a big cock.

    I should know. I've raised one since birth.

  14. "She always said she loved the giant cocks".

  15. "What's red and white, and Sara is all over?
    Giant cock in the road"

  16. Jeez Sara, I hope you didn't take that thing home with you; When I suggested you spice up your sex life with a plastic cock that's not really what I meant....

    But I applaud that photo - I totally would have done the same. I love big plastic animals!

  17. That reminds me of the time I tried to go to the zoo and ended up at the Puerto Rican Pride Day parade. Yipes.

    And sara. You look so happy with that giant cock.

  18. Giant white cocks. THEY DO EXIST!!!!!

  19. Of course I'm a day late for the damn contest.



    God is all, "I know life has been a little stressful for you lately, Sara. So here. Enjoy this giant cock."

    greatest. thing. ever.


  20. Too late, as always. Loved the necklace, too, and I totally have cleavage that it would look awesome with. :( It must have been the fact that it came with the whole "Friday the 13th" thing.

    I came to let you know that I gave you an award in my most recent blog Here ....

  21. Um, I totally thought "Pussy Girls" because the "r" is strategically blocked out by a customer.

    I'll take one of everything, please.

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  23. Dreams do come true. Finally... a cock that's bigger than me.

    Can I still win the necklace if I don't have any cleavage for it to hang between? :)

  24. There's a giant cock in Calgary too!!