Last week, my friend Cynthia rented out a booth at a craft fair downtown. My sister and I decided to go together to support her new business. After we parked and started walking towards the festival and the booths, we looked around and noticed that we were a bit out of place. "Do you feel really white right now?" we asked each other, before looking up and noticing a huge banner that read, "PHILLIPINO FESTIVAL."
Cynthia had a smaller booth on the outside of the commotion, and she was sitting down with my other sister when Sabrina and I walked up. We looked through her jewelry and found some really pretty things. Sabrina bought me a gorgeous necklace, and I found another really cute one that I wanted to give away on my blog.
Cynthia: Here's some change. You guys don't have to pay full price.
Sabrina: Cynthia, you give us free jewelry every Christmas and birthday. I think it'll be fine if I pay you full price.
Cynthia: No, really! Here you go! Take this five back!
Sabrina: *look of death*
Cynthia: *withers away*
Her look of death is that powerful, y'all. I swear, she learned it from my mother and it makes your tummy a little queasy inside when the full wrath of it hits you in the face.
After purchasing our goodies, Cynthia pointed to a booth across from her with two preteenaged girls sitting behind it. You know, the ZOMG ROBERT PATTINSON IS SO DREAMY LOLZ I LUV HIM age. I glanced at their booth, looked away, and OHMYFUCKINGGOD DOUBLETAKE.
|These girls are fucking awesome.|
We decided to leave after about an hour of milling around, but the road we came in on was blocked due to traffic. We went the other way and just hoped we would find our way out easily. Downtown Shreveport isn't very large, and it only takes a few blocks to figure out where you are. Sabrina was turning down a road in the ghetto when we came to a stop sign and BEHOLD! A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT FROM GOD!
There was A HUGE COCK in the middle of a deserted parking lot. It made no sense. There was no business in the vicinity of this cock. There wasn't a sign on the cock. There wasn't anything explaining what the fuck this random cock was doing in a parking lot.
Sabrina: Do you want to take a picture with it??
Me: THAT IS A GIANT COCK. IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. YES, I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH IT.
|Is this not a GIANT cock or what?|
I'm pretty sure God placed that cock there as a present for me, because what other explanation could there possibly be for a random rooster in the middle of nowhere down a ghetto street that my sister just happened to turn down. God is all, "I know life has been a little stressful for you lately, Sara. So here. Enjoy this giant cock."
I most certainly will, sir, I most certainly will....
And now it's your turn to win a gift! But not from God, from me. God could probably give you way cooler shit, but would he show you a picture of him wearing said shit? I think not. You lose this round, God. You're all entering to win this very cute necklace that I bought from Cynthia.
|If you have cleavage, the pendant falls right between your boobies! WIN!|
All you have to do to enter is come up with a caption for the picture of me with the giant cock. Leave your caption in the comments section below, and my sister Sabrina will be choosing her favorite as the winner, since we all owe it to her for finding the giant cock in the first place. You can enter as many times as you want, and don't be afraid to get dirrrty. Since I know a lot of you (including me) are going through finals right now, I'll keep the contest open until Friday, May 13th.
And speaking of Friday the 13th, Childhood Trauma will have a brand new Goosebumps review up to celebrate! Look forward to that! And if you have any Sweet Valley High books you'd like to donate to the website (aka ME), send me an email! Also, also, we will be having Karaoke Ring of Death next month, and I'm thinking the theme will be either rap or songs from your high school playlist. Ideas? Suggestions? Complaints? Leave me a comment! (Unless it's a complaint, then you can just take that shit right to the shredder because my department doesn't handle those, thankyouverymuch.)