By the time we loaded up the car, stopped for a quick dinner, and actually left town, we were only an hour behind schedule. Which is a HUGE accomplishment for people like us, in case you didn't know. While we were in the car, I told Emily and Katelynn that they would need to help me pick out a one hit wonder themed song for the Karaoke Ring of Death next month.
Emily: What about Mambo No. 5?
Emily: Closing Time?
Me: Someone did it already.
Emily: What about that pussy song?
Me: WHAT. THE. FUCK. Play me this song immediately.
And that is how we found the theme song for our road trip. Katelynn and I made sure to learn as much of the chorus as we could in order to constantly sing "SHOW ME YOUR PUSSAAAAY" when people were least expecting it, like in lines at Six Flags or walking down the hall in our hotel.
By the time we made it to our hotel, we were just ready to get upstairs and start getting our drank on. When I booked the hotel, I only put down that two adults would be staying because sometimes there are extra fees for more than two people, and I'm all about lying to save money. Andy and I went up to the front desk to get our keys and told Katelynn and Emily to stay in the car so we could all sneak up together.
First of all, that hotel was AMAZING. The guy behind the desk was possibly the most polite person I've ever spoken to in my life. I made a really awful joke when I was checking in, and he even laughed. DUDE, THAT WAS NOT EVEN A LITTLE FUNNY. Also, he offered me a warm chocolate chip cookie and when he handed it to me, he said in the softest, most calming voice I've ever heard:
There's nothing like a warm chocolate chip cookie after a long car ride.
It was so sweet, it was borderline creepy.
But goddamn it, he was right. That cookie was delectable. (Hey cookie! You are delectable!*) After convincing Katelynn multiple times that we would not be rounded up by the Gestapo if we were caught with more than two people in our hotel room, we made it upstairs and found that we had a kick ass smoking balcony, so we wouldn't have to go downstairs every single time we wanted to infiltrate our lungs with black death.
(The next morning, we were sitting in our hotel room getting ready when I read the sign on the balcony door out loud. "No smoking on balcony or in hotel room." Um....)
Also, Katelynn presented me with my birthday gift, which was even more amazing than I could have imagined:
We also severely violated a swantowel for about thirty minutes. There are pictures, and now none of us can ever run for political office. When we flipped back through them the next day, we were almost ashamed of ourselves. We just went through them super fast so we wouldn't feel depressed about the people we've become. Swan rape is not a joking matter, y'all.
After making a swan feel like it needed a cold shower and illegally smoking cigarettes on the balcony for quite a while, we decided to slumber peacefully in preparation for our long Saturday at Six Flags and Medieval Times.
To be continued....
*Just for you, SSSS
**The hotel we stayed at was the Doubletree Hotel in Dallas, Texas, located on Market Center Boulevard. It was beautiful and clean and quiet and the guy behind the desk will laugh at all your really awful jokes which is always a win in my book. I am in no way being compensated for this post, which is pretty obvious considering I confessed to doing more than one illegal thing in the hotel. But for reals. That place was the bomb dot com. (YES, I DID.)