What we planned on happening:
Meet at my house at 10 AM. Drive to Walmart. Buy chairs to sit in while we wait for the parade to start. Find our Mardi Gras parading spot. Day drink until we are wasted and the parade rolls by and boobies start popping out and we catch lots of free beads and go home to puke.
What actually happened:
Best Friend and Sister-in-Law didn't leave my house Friday night until 2 or 3 AM. And Andy and I didn't go to sleep until 6 AM. Because we were... watching old movies and eating ice cream and talking about Baby Jesus.... ahem. So the next morning at 9 AM,
(Aside: Andy wakes up first every morning, and then he wakes me up 30 minutes after. It usually takes him about 15 minutes just to get me out of bed, because I kind of spend a lot of time rolling around in the covers, stretching, making weird noises, taking pictures of him while I shout "Paparazzi! Paparazzi!" etc. etc. I'm obviously a really awesome get-out-of-bed-er.)
So when I woke up at coughoneintheafternooncough, I had four missed calls and several text messages asking if I was dead or not. Luckily, Katelynn and Emily had taken care of the going to Walmart part of the plan when they realized that Andy and me were dead to the world still. Except... Emily and Katelynn are like men when it comes to going to the grocery store, apparently. Because they walked inside Walmart and immediately forgot what they were there to purchase. When they got back to my house, they had a king cake and some beads. The kind of beads that are thrown FOR FREE at the parade.
Luckily, they showed up right when my groggy drunken ass was finished getting ready, and we hit the road. Emily instructed us to go to Walmart, so we could buy the chairs. After fighting through crowds and crowds of people and caution tape and crawfish and rednecks, we finally made it to Walmart. We walked inside, got a buggy, and Emily looks at me and says, "So what are we at Walmart for?"
After a rather long ordeal in which we chose not to spend a millionty dollars on chairs and had to stop to go to the bathroom and moved on to another store and finally bought some damn chairs, we were ready for day drinking and Mardi Gras'ing to begin.
We camped out by the car, and Andy went to get the crawfish and al-al-al-alcohol. When I was little, I always had a lot of trouble eating crawfish. Peeling them is a tricky business, y'all! And those bitches aren't cheap. It was $20 for this tray of them.
|TWENTY EFFING DOLLARS|
After eating crawfish, the only thing left to do was get wasted with the daiquiri and cooler of beer. We set up our awesome amazing chairs, and prepared for the long wait. Except that it was fucking freezing. Like 50 degrees freezing. 50 degrees in Louisiana = OHMYFUCKINGGAWD WHY IS IT SO FREEZING OUT HERE?
We all pretended not to be bothered by it for a little while, by yelling, "DAY DRINKING" as often as possible and planning our future Dallas trip and making fun of random passerby. But slowly, we lost people. Katelynn was the first to give up and move to the inside of the car with the doors and windows closed. Emily was next, moving at the speed of light to get back in the car. Before I even knew what happened, we were all in the car, with the chairs loaded in the back and the heat on.
Emily joked, "Well, we could all just go back to your house and day drink instead of standing out here in the cold."
We all laughed, and there was a pause.
Emily: "So.... Do y'all just wanna go back to your house and day drink?"
Let's recap what all we went through in order to get to Mardi Gras in the first place:
- Trip to Walmart for king cake and beads
- Waking up late and rushing to get ready in time to make the parade
- Going to Walmart for the 2nd time to get chairs that were never purchased
- Standing in line for the Walmart bathroom for about ten days, give or take
- Buying chairs from another close-by store
- Buying crawfish and daiquiris
- Going to Walmart for the 3rd time for paper towels and a bucket
- Waiting for Mardi Gras for TWO HOURS
Drinking at Mardi Gras and being cold as shit < Drinking at home, with the heater on
See ya next year, Mardi Gras!
Next Stop: Dallas mini-road trip for my birthday! Hello Medieval Times and Six Flags, it's been far too long.