Remember when I was summoned to court to testify against the jackass who stole money from me except that he never showed up and then I got really angry and wanted to punch somebody and then I was summoned again and dude didn't show up the second time and I begged God/Buddha/Britney to please never make me have to go to court again because GODDAMN it is so fucking boring listening to traffic violations all fucking day?
So while I was there, I wrote out a bunch of things I wanted to tweet when I was finally allowed to turn my phone back on because my phone was off like it was supposed to be (LOOKING AT YOU, IDIOT SITTING IN FRONT OF ME.) And when I left, I realized I had entirely too many things written to actually tweet because I didn't want everyone to be all, "Ohmygod, shut the FUCK up, nobody cares about the Shim you saw in court." So if you don't like reading tiny nuggets of my brain in 140 characters or less, you can just move along. And if you don't like hashtags....
Wow, sitting in court is just as exciting today as it was last time! #exceptnot
Already predicting who the DUI boys are. #oneforone
YOU ARE IN COURT GET OFF YOUR GODDAMN CELL PHONE YOU DUMB FUCK.
Don't see the fat fuckface yet. Hopefully he comes rolling out in orange.
Um, wow. These chicks need to learn how to walk in heels, for reals, yo. #clunkclunkSLAM #clunkclunkSLAM
Lusting after the Starbucks drink I left in the car.
If anyone in this courtroom reads the notes I'm taking, they will be highly disturbed. #HIGHLY
Traffic court can blow me. Bring on the theives and murderers! At least they're interesting...
Oh no! I'm having a Shim dilema...
Public defender keeps looking at me with judgy eyes. I'm not a criminal, swearsies. #judgymcjudgerson
I just noticed my boobs look fricking awesome today. I keep sneaking a peek at myself.
The District Attorney looks like someone off of PBS.
The boy next to me is making his mom laugh hysterically. Highly doubting my mother would have reacted the same way. #mommymonster
Oh shit. There really is someone being tried for murder here.
Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Shim's name is Erin/Aaron.
An old person is charged with bad driving. Are we supposed to be surprised?
It's pretty sad when they have to mention facebook, twitter, and myspace (wtf? myspace?) in court during sentencing.
One lawyer seems to be a pretty funny guy. #theydoexist
I wonder how many people are curious about what I'm writing. Little do they know, it's about boobs and periods. #classy #classyasshit
This "writing hash tags in real life" thing has to stop. #ordoesit
So bored. New goal: Make awkward eye contact with the lawyers as often as possible. No looking away when they glance at me. #yesiAMstaringatyou
People probably think I'm all studious and shit. #ha #hahaha
Also, I was going to record my three dogs playing last night to show y'all, but then I kind of fell asleep while the camera was charging because I'm apparently a little old woman who can't stay up past 8. And I went on a Skype date last weekend with my blogging soulmate, Lorraine. There was an awful lot of giggling involved. We originally intended to work on another collaboration like that time we talked about our BOOBS, but we just ended up making fun of people the entire time. I'm pretty sure we were chatting for at least two hours, and I was drinking during the chatting so you know what that led to, right? *creepy eyebrow wiggle*
Skype dating is fun and nerve-wracking and I think I'll write an entire post on it soon, which means...... I need to Skype with more people. Let's go on a date!