Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Community Can Officially Blow Me

Remember when I was summoned to court to testify against the jackass who stole money from me except that he never showed up and then I got really angry and wanted to punch somebody and then I was summoned again and dude didn't show up the second time and I begged God/Buddha/Britney to please never make me have to go to court again because GODDAMN it is so fucking boring listening to traffic violations all fucking day?


So while I was there, I wrote out a bunch of things I wanted to tweet when I was finally allowed to turn my phone back on because my phone was off like it was supposed to be (LOOKING AT YOU, IDIOT SITTING IN FRONT OF ME.) And when I left, I realized I had entirely too many things written to actually tweet because I didn't want everyone to be all, "Ohmygod, shut the FUCK up, nobody cares about the Shim you saw in court." So if you don't like reading tiny nuggets of my brain in 140 characters or less, you can just move along. And if you don't like hashtags....

Wow, sitting in court is just as exciting today as it was last time! #exceptnot

Already predicting who the DUI boys are. #oneforone


Don't see the fat fuckface yet. Hopefully he comes rolling out in orange.

Um, wow. These chicks need to learn how to walk in heels, for reals, yo. #clunkclunkSLAM #clunkclunkSLAM

Lusting after the Starbucks drink I left in the car.

If anyone in this courtroom reads the notes I'm taking, they will be highly disturbed. #HIGHLY

Traffic court can blow me. Bring on the theives and murderers! At least they're interesting...

Oh no! I'm having a Shim dilema...

Public defender keeps looking at me with judgy eyes. I'm not a criminal, swearsies. #judgymcjudgerson

I just noticed my boobs look fricking awesome today. I keep sneaking a peek at myself.

The District Attorney looks like someone off of PBS.

The boy next to me is making his mom laugh hysterically. Highly doubting my mother would have reacted the same way. #mommymonster

Oh shit. There really is someone being tried for murder here.

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Shim's name is Erin/Aaron.

An old person is charged with bad driving. Are we supposed to be surprised?

It's pretty sad when they have to mention facebook, twitter, and myspace (wtf? myspace?) in court during sentencing.

One lawyer seems to be a pretty funny guy. #theydoexist

I wonder how many people are curious about what I'm writing. Little do they know, it's about boobs and periods. #classy #classyasshit

This "writing hash tags in real life" thing has to stop. #ordoesit

So bored. New goal:  Make awkward eye contact with the lawyers as often as possible. No looking away when they glance at me. #yesiAMstaringatyou

People probably think I'm all studious and shit. #ha #hahaha

Also, I was going to record my three dogs playing last night to show y'all, but then I kind of fell asleep while the camera was charging because I'm apparently a little old woman who can't stay up past 8. And I went on a Skype date last weekend with my blogging soulmate, Lorraine. There was an awful lot of giggling involved. We originally intended to work on another collaboration like that time we talked about our BOOBS, but we just ended up making fun of people the entire time. I'm pretty sure we were chatting for at least two hours, and I was drinking during the chatting so you know what that led to, right? *creepy eyebrow wiggle*

Skype dating is fun and nerve-wracking and I think I'll write an entire post on it soon, which means...... I need to Skype with more people. Let's go on a date!


  1. I wish you would have had your phone! I would love loved these tweets yesterday!

  2. I look at my boobies when they are looking especially nice too!

    Also, I'm so curious. Did Lorraine take off her sunglasses for your date??

  3. She did! :)

    She's just as sexxxy as you'd think.

  4. You can add me to skype if you'd like! Though... I'm usually on when I'm sick or studying... so I don't know how attractive that would be... =(


  5. You crack me up. That is all.

    And you know I'd be down for a Skype date. #likeduh #getcrunk

  6. I can't believe how many times you've had to go into court because of this asshat.

    drunk skype dates are pretty much the best ever

  7. Sara, You make me happy! It's a rare occasion I find a chick as cool as me ;) but you fit the bill! I joke, I'm a sad, sad little girl, but you do make me laugh.

  8. Your handwritten Tweets are hilarious! What happens when someone fails to show up for court twice? Do they send someone to find him?

  9. I'm assuming they'll send a bounty hunter? I figured that's what they would LAST time, to be honest.

  10. He didn't show up AGAIN? Certainly, they'll put a warrant out? That's fucked. Sorry Sarah. =/

    That being said, I love the hashtags. I'd skype you, but I don't have skype yet, believe it or not. #whatthefuck.

  11. I'm pretty sure i would have cracked up reading these tweets. Court is always full of the weirdest people. It's like blog fodder heaven!

  12. Oh man, I love these! This one was my favorite, mostly because "highly" is in all caps. I chuckled aloud: "If anyone in this courtroom reads the notes I'm taking, they will be highly disturbed. #HIGHLY"

    And good on you for following directions and not using your phone unlike that idiot. The one time I went to court for jury duty I had to turn my cell phone in before going through metal detectors.

  13. I sat in court once and started giggling when one of the people called up was called Dong Lan Suk. I almost got thrown in jail.

    Would have been worth it.

  14. I say we sick a bounty hunter on him. Preferably Dog the Bounty Hunter.

  15. Ok, I officially think I like twitter and will have to make sure I am following you. Hilarious stuff here!

  16. I check out my own boobs all the time. I like to make them jiggle. I've never skyped. Even though I have it all set up and everything. I guess no one wants to see my awesome boobs.

    Free boob shot if you Skype me!

    Oh shit. I hope I'm not on some kind of watch list now.

  17. Ha, those are pretty funny. I'm off to go stalk Angela now. Hooray boobs.

  18. We ought to Skype again. I lovers you.

  19. Thank you for reminding me to actually use the notebook that's always in my purse. =]

  20. Genius, genius way to do a blog post. Please tell me you counted the characters as you were writing them in court. #LIKEAPRO

  21. I really should go on more skype dates. My skype just sits there neglected and unloved most of the time.

    Also, that is awesome that you spent court writing tweets. I love you.