It's Bloggerstock day! And you can find me over hiz-ere. (It begins with, "I decided to go all out, balls out and tell a story that I said I would never tell on my blog. But I think now it's fair game since this isn't my blog, right? Right." If that doesn't encourage you to check it out, I don't know what will.) (I know how lazy you bitches are.) (Just kidding, I love you.)
I think that all I really need to introduce Stargazer is a little quote from her "100 Things About Me" post:
I know who I am, and I know I love women, inside and out.Rawr! I don't know if she meant it to be dirty, but mommy like. (That sounded so fucking creepy pedophile-ish, but it made me laugh like whoa so it stays.)
Without further ado, here is a guest post on Do-Overs from Stargazer. Go visit her blog and say dirty things.
Ok so, HI!! I'm Stargazer! Let me get ya up to speed on what Bloggerstock is and why I'm takin up space on Sara's lovely blog. I (like so many others) found out about Bloggerstock through 20sb.net. Basically it's blog-swapping but on a ginormous scale. Visit my site HERE to see what the awesome Jessica had to say on the topic of the month: DO-OVERS.
Hmmm ok... so if I could go back... what would I do over? What are my regrets? What would I change about my past? This is a tough question for me, because although we do all have regrets, even if they're small ones, I am one of those optimists that truly believes that everything happens for a reason. When I look back on things that could have maybe gone more smoothly, or completely different all together, I then just have to think about all I learned about who I am and what I want out of life from those less-than-great situations or decisions.
But, then again... haha! Maybe still.. I could have maybe not gone back and forth between dating two different girls over the span of a year and a half. By the end of that time, I felt like I didn't even recognize myself. But, as I said before, I learned so much about myself and what I want from a relationship because of those two tumultuous relationships. Let me make this clear from the start, neither one ever overlapped the other, I have never cheated on anyone, and never will, but my heart was definitely always with the first one, and I realized later that I was only going back to the second one after the countless break ups with Ex No. 1, in an attempt to distract myself from the heartache of not being able to make it work with her. I was also trying to piece together the good things from both of the girls into one person. I know that doesn't actually make sense, but both of the girls had things that I wanted from a partner (well Ex No. 2 ended up not having anything I wanted, she was quite the nasty ho FOR REALLL, but she put on a good show for a long time) so I thought that the perks of each could make up for what they didn't have. Lol... I swear this makes sense in my mind, but I can't seem to explain it by typing it out, for those of you who are shaking your heads in bewilderment. But anyway, from this whole experience, I learned that I am not the kind of person who can distract myself with someone else if I'm still feeling any kind of heartache for someone else. It just flat out doesn't work for me. I don't carry baggage very well, so I now know that I need to fully be over any heartaches before starting something new with a new person. I am very happy to say that I am fully over that Ex No. 1 (only really took about 2 years!) and she and I are now friends. Distant friends, but friends none the less. But yeah, that whole experience is one of those that I look back on and just shake my head, thinking... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??? But that's ok. I'm ok with looking back on mistakes like that, and knowing that I know myself better for it.
Another regret? I think I'll always regret not sticking with ballet. I did 8 years of ballet when I was young, and I was really great at it. I was the youngest in all of my classes by at least 3 years, and always had a lead role in our academy's ballet performances. When my parents split, we moved across town and I wasnt able to stay in the same academy because my mom said it would be too much to do that much driving back and forth. I had the option of choosing a different ballet school closer to home, and I tried a couple, but the teachers were so shitty that I ended up quitting all together out of frustration. Whenever I watch a movie about dancing or see a ballet now, it really gets to me knowing that that could have been me... it was something that I felt so passionate about, but I let it go way too soon. So yeah, maybe I would have stuck with that if I could have one do-over. :)
*The title of this post was a really lame joke referencing this page. That crazy Sara! Thinking she's funny and shit!