Remember when I told you that we were going to have a drunken chat on Saturday night via the 20sb chat room? Yeah, that totes happened.
I signed on before I'd even taken my first sip of Four Loko, ready to start the night as soon as possible. The plan was that it would just be me and Andy home, watching MST3K while I drunk chatted away. Except somehow I ended up inviting my sister-in-law and best friend over because I apparently forgot what huge distractions those two bitches are.
I ended up surviving in drunk chat for approximately one hour. In that one hour, we played the most hilarious high school cheerleader game ever called Never Have I Ever. Have you ever played this as an adult? When we've all done everything, ifyaknowwhatimean? It really makes you feel like a Whores 'R Us. And I was actually drinking when I was supposed to be drinking like a real champ.
After realizing that my typing needed to be stopped on account of the millions of typos and exclamation points and butchered half smiley faces, I noticed that Lily was online. And that Lily has Skype. And I have Skype. And we were both drinking. And this became the Christmas miracle of the night.
I immediately Skyped Lily, and we e-met like a couple of drunk bitches in a bar. I was chugging Four Loko like a sorority girl, and she was chugging tequila STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE. I knew at this point that Lily was definitely going to be putting out at the end of our date.
All the details of Saturday night are a little fuzzy, so you might have to ask Lily (if she remembers), but I'm pretty sure I made an ass of myself several times by laughing hysterically at nothing. And at one point, we decided that Lily should play Waterfall with us. When I tried to prop the laptop on the couch next to me, my sister-in-law said, "WTF? Get her a chair, Sara!" like I was the one acting like a crazy person. So I dragged a dining room chair out of the kitchen just to place it next to the coffee table just to place Lily on it just so she could see the cards and play the game with us. Ridiculous, I tell you.
Everyone and their mom plays Waterfall differently. (For instance, my mom plays with no alcohol and instead of cards, she hands out punishments and disapproving stares.) So every time a five got pulled, I had to make sure Lily knew what it stood for by leaning into the laptop and yelling, "FIVE, LILY! IT'S FIVE! HIT YOUR HEAD!" which made for a really smooth game, obviously.
At one point, Lily got disconnected from the internet, and we gave up. Also, I puked at 5 AM. Classy as shit, y'all.
And here is the picture I promised you of "The Thanksgiving Shirt That Looks Absolutely Nothing Like a Girl's Shirt Ever In the History of Ever." I took this picture right when I woke up today because I love you which also explains the horrible quality and yucky bangs.
And now it's time for another blog giveaway! I purchased this badass hat and glove set from Erin at Ultra Cute Crochet. You can look at her other stuff here or here. It made it to my house super fast, and I'm in lurve. And she didn't pay me to say those things. (But I totes don't turn down free money, if you want to offer me a millionty dollars.) Andy keeps calling me a hipster because of my gloves, and I keep calling him a dickhole because I look adorable and warm.
I'll be busy with three Christmases in two days this year, so I probably won't be writing much before the new year unless I die on the way to Oklahoma in a freak car accident in which case my computer will send out emails informing all of you about my death and giving you your speeches for my funeral and exact specifications about what panties I should be wearing. (These things are important, y'all.)