Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I Got Screwed

Oh, you filthy, filthy bastards. I know you got all sexcited when you saw the title to this post. Unfortunately, this post will not be about me getting screwed.

Anyways, Wife came up with a great prompt for today, and I'm totes rolling with it. Here's the prompt:

In honor of Thanksgiving, and the beginning of a long line of colonists screwing over Native Americans, post about a time that you took advantage of someone. Or if you don't want to be that revealing about your darker side, write about a time that someone took advantage of you.

If you want to see the other posts, go here.

And so it begins......

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Andy and I got in a huge, blow up fight once about something that I can't remember but was probably as stupid as leaving a motherfucking Cheerio on the floor. Anyways, I was really mad and going to stay with my mom for the night. Before I left, I wanted to make sure that Andy would really, really miss me.

So I grabbed all the toilet paper.

And walked in the kitchen.

And put it in the sink.

And turned the water on full blast.

When Andy told his sister this story, she was all, "Wow, that was a bitch move... but you have to admit, it's pretty fucking funny."

Pretty fucking funny indeed.

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And then there is the ever classic story about how I got fired from one of my previous jobs. I believe this falls in the category of me getting screwed over.

In conclusion, I'm pretty sure all of these things could somehow be someone else's fault and not mine. Because I obviously don't take responsibilty for my own actions.

But that toilet paper thing was pretty fucking funny, right?

38 comments:

  1. Seriously, I am writing as we speak about a recent "screwed" deal.

    GOtta put it down while its still fresh in my head, I mean while I am still freakin livid.

    WTF? is wrong with people in this world.

    Yes, "toilet paper" pretty fucking funny. : )

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  2. Sara, that prank you pulled on Andy is not environmentally friendly. I shed a little tear for all the trees that died so you could prove a point about Cheerios! or something.

    It was pretty fucking funny, though.

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  3. the practical side of me says: you could have just taken it with you or left if somewhere out of reach/hidden. cause then you had to buy more, and knowing me it would have been when _I_ was *ahem* occupied that said need of TP would have popped up.

    but the girlfriend who's been that pissed off side of me says: WELL DONE. it was pretty fucking funny.

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  4. Back when I was married (lo, those many sad years ago) and working night shift, my (soon to be ex)husband had the joyful habit of waking me at 7AM every frigging morning to ask me where his socks where. Every morning for two weeks, I would rise in a zombie-like state, open the dresser drawer and toss a pair of socks at him. But. But. One fateful morning, I simply rose, gathered all socks from said drawer and pitched them all in the fish tank. Needless to say, the bare-ankedd neanderthal was not pleased. PS. Fish do not like fabric softener.

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  5. HAHA
    That is pretty fucking funny. Probably would mean certain death if I did it.

    PS...have you received your 'box' yet?

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  6. That sounds like something I would do, all of it. And yes, it's hilarious.

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  8. So if you Suck all kinds, your favorite is: "drum roll"

    anyways - remind me to keep you away from my toilet paper

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  9. That head-rolling gif? AMAZING.

    (You didn't see that comment coming, did you? NO. I blindsided you with comment love.)

    I love how everyone is agree-ing that it is "pretty fucking funny." As if saying it were funny isn't enought BECAUSE IT ISN'T. It's pretty fucking funny. There's a difference people.

    I like your face,

    Lorraine

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  10. Sorry I waited so long that the bots got here first! Thanks for shining the light on my sad little blogfest (Maybe people will sign up for more than pity next month!).

    How awful of me is it that I've ALWAYS wanted to leave someone stranded on the side of the road? You are now my hero.

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  11. Have I mentioned that you refer to her as "Wife"? I love it. Finally I have a name other then "Husband". Also...I think I might try to leave the Wife on the side of the road one day. Just to see if she'll follow through on her threat to kill me.

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  12. Tiffany "New York" Pollard is my hero.

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  13. That toilet paper thing is super fucking funny, I actually pictured it in my head (but with me and my fiance) and I am sitting here at work with a stupid ass grin on my face and people are looking at me like i'm a retard. Thanks!

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  14. I like to be prepared for all kinds of ways my significant other might try to screw me over during a fight so I'm glad you brought up the toilet paper. In that particular case, for retaliation, I would probably just use all your favorite towels to wipe myself.

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  15. I'm totally going to do the toilet paper thing to someone...someday. It's fantastic.

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  16. found u on 20 something bloggers... almost peed myself reading the toilet paper story. i may or may not copy that move in a future blow out.

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  17. You crack me up all of it was funny. I have a sister and we have had some epic throw downs over probably nothing, thinking back on it. LOVESIT!

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  18. Have I mentioned in the last five minutes that you're my hero?

    You are the wind beneath my wings.

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  19. Apparently I must kiss your pretty fucking funny ass before I say anything else.
    You are my Will Ferrell.

    THAT said, MAN I am now wishing I had a Mom's or someone else's house to sleep at when I get stark raving mad at the MR. And I'd probably leave w/ all the remotes and the laptop, AND the beer.

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  20. You totally pulled a mini Wet Bandits caper on Andy.

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  21. Was that the only toilet paper roll? I usually say I will storm out but instead I stay home angry and wont let Mr Man sleep. I just push him every time his breathing gets a little bit heavy...
    It's not a crowd pleaser...

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  22. You have a blog award over at my blog amberlashell.com, enjoy!

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  23. I sent my ex-boyfriend penis enlargement advertisements whenever we'd get in a fight. He didn't find it very amusing, but I sure did!

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  24. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has left my sister on the side of the road during a fight...

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  25. You and your sister sound about as combative (combustible?) as my sister and I. 15 months apart. Good times. Also, yes good job on the TP. what woulda been even funnier is if you decided not to go and then you both were screwed.

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  26. Oh. My. God. The toilet paper thing is the best idea I've ever heard of. I'm gonna purposely start a fight just to do this.

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  27. You are my queen.
    Toilet Paper Trick has a new meaning.

    x

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  28. i would definitely have to go with beer and hookah to take with me as i leave in a huff in my house, it would affect the Matt more. but what a winning move! and god, how long must it have taken to clean that shit up? i hope he did it!

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  29. Next time I have a fight with my partner I', stealing your toilet paper move. That's fucking hilarious.

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  30. Obviously I have some things to learn when it comes to pissing people off.

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  31. Ditto what Alexandra the Tsaritsa said. Every time you prank your fiancee, a tree cries.

    I also laugh.

    Not a win/win, but... hmmm...

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  32. The toilet paper move shall go down in history!! And I love the fact that you said your arguments are over things like a Motherfuckin Cheerio on the floor!!! It makes me feel so normal...warm and fuzzy actually!!!

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  33. That toilet paper thing is hilarious. And summarizes why I have missed talking to you on a regular basis for the last couple weeks while I have been doing who-the-hell-knows-what.

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  34. Have I mentioned how much I love it when you use the word sexcited ?

    Anyways, you and your sis seemed like feisty bitches, and I mean that in the sincerest and awesomest of ways, lol.

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  35. I can't stop watching that Flava Flav girl (she's so unimportant that I forgot her name) be all "oh no you didn't!" It's fascinating. Truly fascinating.

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  36. Responsibility is just selfish, IMHO. So, go, be an ass. It's preferable, really.

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  37. I LAUGHED at the toilet roll move and am stealing it if I ever have a fight with Scrubs that deserves it!

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