Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Jesus Christ, This Post is a Mess.

Okay, so I've obviously been MIA for a while. I blame the karaoke video. How the fuck could I top that? Btdubs, the next karaoke theme is going to be show tunes and OHMYFUCKINGGOD do I have the best song ever or what. (There was a hint in that paragraph on what song I'm doing. Maybe you can figure it out if you're supah smart. And maybe I'll send you a prize if you do it. And by it, I do mean what you think I mean.)

Just. Fucking. Wait.

Anyexcusesexcuses, I have finals next week which means it is ON after that. I plan on getting drunk and making lots of things grow, ifyouknowwhatimean. Except seriously because my bloggity friend sent me a box full of things that grow with water (and a little stroking probably).

Oh, and me and Andy have another bet going. We're both going to get prezzies for that Operation Santa thing, but don't be all "AWWWW y'all are the sweetest evah!" because this is totally selfish. I'm only doing this because I bet Andy that my present would kick all kinds of his present's ass. So I'm picking out an amazingly wonderful awesome cool girl present and he's picking out some stupid ass boy toy. (ifyouknowwhatimean?)

In other news, we went to Andy's mother's house for Thanksgiving, and she blessed me with the holy-est of all holy grails. She gave me........ HOME VIDEOS.

We started watching one of them, and it was all adorable and sweet and Andy with a baby lisp. And then? And then! His grandma was on the video rocking some daisy dukes, for reals, y'all. We were laughing about it while his grandpa filmed his grandma telling a story until grandpa apparently got sidetracked because he zoomed in on grandma's foot and started slowly panning up her leg and we were all "Um... what's going on..." until he panned all the way up to her VAGINA and we were all "OHMYGOD, MY EYES TAKE MY EYES PRECIOUS BABY JESUS, GRANDMA VAGINA AHHHHH" and then I'm pretty sure I died.

Also, my friend started a blog, and she was my little sister on danceline which probably means nothing to you mofos but it's special, goddamnit, so just accept it and move on. She wrote a post about Louisiana, and I liked it so I'm linking it and there's nothing you can do about it. If you leave a comment, tell her I said hi on account of she lives in Kansas for right now and I haven't seen her in about twenty thousand years (that's only a slight exaggeration).

I feel like this blog post is super hostile. But I'm on my period which exempts me from all charges, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, and I added some ads on the right side, so if you see something that interests you, clickity click it and you can donate pennies to the that-bitch-needs-a-goddamn-haircut fund. And then Adsense can yell at me because I'm not supposed to even mention ads or something and by the way, how the fuck did Adsense approve my account because the rules say "no excessive profanity" and the name of my blog is Sara Swears A. LOT. bitches. Obviously the people who take care of this bit-ness have no clue what they're doing, but I'm okay with that. I'll probably be kicked out of the Adsense team, mocked and ridiculed, for my "excessive profanity" and braces and frizzy hair and fat lardy stomach and shit, my bad, just reliving middle school over here.

Jesus Christ, this post is a mess.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I Got Screwed

Oh, you filthy, filthy bastards. I know you got all sexcited when you saw the title to this post. Unfortunately, this post will not be about me getting screwed.

Anyways, Wife came up with a great prompt for today, and I'm totes rolling with it. Here's the prompt:

In honor of Thanksgiving, and the beginning of a long line of colonists screwing over Native Americans, post about a time that you took advantage of someone. Or if you don't want to be that revealing about your darker side, write about a time that someone took advantage of you.

If you want to see the other posts, go here.

And so it begins......


Andy and I got in a huge, blow up fight once about something that I can't remember but was probably as stupid as leaving a motherfucking Cheerio on the floor. Anyways, I was really mad and going to stay with my mom for the night. Before I left, I wanted to make sure that Andy would really, really miss me.

So I grabbed all the toilet paper.

And walked in the kitchen.

And put it in the sink.

And turned the water on full blast.

When Andy told his sister this story, she was all, "Wow, that was a bitch move... but you have to admit, it's pretty fucking funny."

Pretty fucking funny indeed.


And then there is the ever classic story about how I got fired from one of my previous jobs. I believe this falls in the category of me getting screwed over.

In conclusion, I'm pretty sure all of these things could somehow be someone else's fault and not mine. Because I obviously don't take responsibilty for my own actions.

But that toilet paper thing was pretty fucking funny, right?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Karaoke Night!

So a few of us came up with this great idea for a karaoke blog ring, in which we all sing and dance and make fools of ourselves. And for once, we actually came through on something instead of just talking about it and forgetting five seconds later. Our theme for our first ever Karaoke Vlog Night was 90s music because seriously? The 90s were pretty fucking amazing.

If you want to see my video (Spice Girls so the answer is obviously, YES), go to risha's blog and just be warned that I was drunk so I'm pretty sure that means I can't be held accountable for any dancing or jumping around or forgetting words that I did.

Now I have two videos to show today since we have a last minute addition. The first is from Harley over at Domestic Depravity. Her intro is the email I received with her video:

YOU SHOULD KNOW that I blame you for the fact that I am drunk TA HALF SICX in the evening ON my won after doing my karaoke video I know it was going to be a mix and I did actually DO a mix but then I deleted them all and jjust left the BACKSTREET BOYS and the worst part is I',m not evein sure it' sa 90s song because the backstreet bosys are like the dinosaurs and have neeben beeen around FORVERER except theyre not extinct.

Plus she's super adorable, so you know you're going to watch it whether I give you an introduction or not. (PS - Her song is from 1997, so she's good.)

The next video is from Lalalalauren at Lauren vs. Reality. All I want to say before you view this video is that I laughed so hard, I got the hiccups.

Thanks, ladies! All the videos I've seen so far have been great! We're going to try to do this again next month, so if you have a topic idea or want to participate, send me an email at tatorhead328 at yahoo dot com.

Here are links to others participating in the karaoke vlog night. I'll add links to this post as the videos are uploaded.

Me with Wannabe
Mandy with The Safety Dance
Risha with a mashup of Tubthumping, Stop, Don't Speak, You Stole the Sun From My Heart, and Picture of You
Erin with What I Got
Alexandra with I'm a Player
Tabitha with Head Over Feet
Christina with Drive
Lorraine with Smooth
Lost with Peaches
Matt with Stay
Jes with You Outta Know

This should be all of them!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Halloween Intoxivlog

Stories to follow.

This is a 10 second teaser of my karaoke video for our 20sb karaoke blog ring. We decided on 90s music. In case you're wondering why I'm jumping back and forth like that, I was pretending to be the two different singers. FYI.


Monday, November 1, 2010

Happy Halloween!

Hope your Halloweens were wonderful! Andy made this video just for y'all. No sound necessary if you're at work. : )

PS - I have many stories about being drunk off Four Lokos again for Halloween, tripping going on stage for the costume contest, and a video I made just for you. (Yes, you.) Dude. Halloween kicks ass.

PSS - If you didn't watch The Walking Dead on AMC.... SHAME ON YOU.