Halloween is right around the corner, and it is one of my absolute favorite holidays EVAH! October is the only time of year that I'll watch scary movies, go to haunted houses, and not punch Andy in the dick when he jumps out from behind a door to scare me.
The plan this year is to make badassery jack off lanterns. (That's not what the "o" stands for? What?) And what exactly is the point of creating something as ah-maz-ing as my pumpkin will obviously be if no one is there to judge and declare my pumpkin WINNER OF ALL JACK OFF LANTERNS IN ALL THE WORLD, MUAHAHAHA!
Which is why I explained to Andy that after we make our jack off lanterns, I would obviously request that THE INTERNET do the judging and by THE INTERNET, I obviously mean youse guys and obviously I know what y'all like (brownchickenbrowncow) so I gots this competition in the bag, SON!
Andy: Well I'm just going to destroy your pumpkin.
Me: I wouldn't make threats like that if I were you...
Andy: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: I'm just saying that it would be really horrible if something were to happen to your pumpkin when you weren't home, that's all.
Andy: What the fuck are you going to do to my pumpkin?
Somebody is a teensy bit paranoid, no? (MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULDN'T MAKE THREATS AT MY PUMPKIN, HM?)
Andy went on to mention something about hiring a SWAT team of pumpkins to guard his jack off lantern, but whatevs, dude. The "SWAT team" leaves for work before I do, ifyaknowwhatimean. (That one wasn't sexual, y'all.) I'm just really hoping that Andy's pumpkin doesn't happen to maybe possibly may fall off the porch one day and crack into a million little pieces.
Also, did I forget to mention that he threatened to THROW A MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN AT MY FACE?! What the fucking fuck, Andy? You're the one who has to stare at this face for the rest of your life so you should probably take better care of it!
And speaking of my face, I believe this is supposed to be no makeup week judging by a few blog posts I've seen recently so I decided to be an awesome bloggity friend and post a picture of me bare-faced and OOGLY. Here ya go!
Also, I'm making a separate tab for THE LIST so if you have any suggestions for it, send me an email at tatorhead328 at yahoo dot com because I'm always open. Ahem. For suggestions, I mean. And maybe a little more. But mostly for the suggestions.
I've got tons of blog ideas coming, swearsies! Also, I got the random button up so clickity click it every once in a while to see what new and exciting land it takes you to. Hopefully wherever you go, there will be pizza and ice cream involved.
PS - Y'all were very concerned about my condom purchase at the Dollar General. But don't be silly! The box says that these condoms work 65% of the time ALL THE TIME. And I think that's some damn good odds.