Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Punkinhead

Halloween is right around the corner, and it is one of my absolute favorite holidays EVAH! October is the only time of year that I'll watch scary movies, go to haunted houses, and not punch Andy in the dick when he jumps out from behind a door to scare me.

The plan this year is to make badassery jack off lanterns. (That's not what the "o" stands for? What?) And what exactly is the point of creating something as ah-maz-ing as my pumpkin will obviously be if no one is there to judge and declare my pumpkin WINNER OF ALL JACK OFF LANTERNS IN ALL THE WORLD, MUAHAHAHA!

Which is why I explained to Andy that after we make our jack off lanterns, I would obviously request that THE INTERNET do the judging and by THE INTERNET, I obviously mean youse guys and obviously I know what y'all like (brownchickenbrowncow) so I gots this competition in the bag, SON!

Andy: Well I'm just going to destroy your pumpkin.
Me: I wouldn't make threats like that if I were you...
Andy: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: I'm just saying that it would be really horrible if something were to happen to your pumpkin when you weren't home, that's all.
Andy: What the fuck are you going to do to my pumpkin?

Somebody is a teensy bit paranoid, no? (MAYBE SOMEBODY SHOULDN'T MAKE THREATS AT MY PUMPKIN, HM?)

Andy went on to mention something about hiring a SWAT team of pumpkins to guard his jack off lantern, but whatevs, dude. The "SWAT team" leaves for work before I do, ifyaknowwhatimean. (That one wasn't sexual, y'all.) I'm just really hoping that Andy's pumpkin doesn't happen to maybe possibly may fall off the porch one day and crack into a million little pieces.

Also, did I forget to mention that he threatened to THROW A MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN AT MY FACE?! What the fucking fuck, Andy? You're the one who has to stare at this face for the rest of your life so you should probably take better care of it!

And speaking of my face, I believe this is supposed to be no makeup week judging by a few blog posts I've seen recently so I decided to be an awesome bloggity friend and post a picture of me bare-faced and OOGLY. Here ya go!

But actually I think this week is supposed to be about loving ourselves without all the cover up and shit so LET'S ALL LOVE OUR NAKED FACES, Y'ALL. We're all way hawter than we give ourselves credit for. Trust me, I've stalked y'alls facebooks and blogs, and I'd do all of you. Well, almost all of you. Maybe not the married ones. That doesn't seem very neighborly. But you're still hawt. (Are you tired of me spelling it that way yet?)

Also, I'm making a separate tab for THE LIST so if you have any suggestions for it, send me an email at tatorhead328 at yahoo dot com because I'm always open. Ahem. For suggestions, I mean. And maybe a little more. But mostly for the suggestions.

I've got tons of blog ideas coming, swearsies! Also, I got the random button up so clickity click it every once in a while to see what new and exciting land it takes you to. Hopefully wherever you go, there will be pizza and ice cream involved.

PS - Y'all were very concerned about my condom purchase at the Dollar General. But don't be silly! The box says that these condoms work 65% of the time ALL THE TIME. And I think that's some damn good odds.

34 comments:

  1. Wait, so you're telling me to love your naked face? And you're talking about jack-off lanterns? Should I be making a connection here?

    Jack Off Lanterns is really funny by the way. On a similar note, I like playing poker and when you need a Jack to make a good hand but you don't get it, you can always say, "Damn...I was one Jack off."

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  2. Pumpkin carving is my favourite part of Halloween! I actually take it quite seriously.

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  3. I would SO love your naked face.

    Wait.

    I mean HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PUMPKIN SWAT TEAM!!!!

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  4. I wanna make a Jack Off Lantern! Can I play huh? Huh? Huh? I have to warn you though Im pretty good at carving up some Dick! (You know what I mean...hee hee Play on Words?)

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  5. I think I'm going to vote for Andy's pumpkin right here and right now, because I want to get on his good side. He needs to forgive me for loving your naked face, ifyouknowwhatImean.

    Lor

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  6. Dude...Enjoy your naked face now because after you hit 30, get married, have a kid...well, it's just all fucking downhill from there. I will *not* be posting a nakedface picture because THAT is what isn't very neighborly.

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  7. "I'm going to destroy your pumpkin" sounds sexual. But not at all sexy. It sounds like the kind of sex where you wake up and see the random fat dude next to you and think "Oh, FUCK."

    Happy Halloween!

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  8. I'm envious.
    We're stuck up north AGAIN for Halloween. I haven't dressed up (other than for sex) in a few years.

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  9. Big lover of the Halloween holiday.

    Im confused though, jack off lanterns and naked faces?

    Should I go back and read a 2nd time?

    I am all for all naked, I ment natural.
    : )

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  10. Love your naked, pretty face! P.S. I talked to a stupid man from Lousiana yesterday and I could only think to blame your naked, pretty face for his stupidity. Please find him and make him smarter.

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  11. Dan - I've never been a poker player, but I'm officially starting NOW.

    Allison - I really like your wrong spelling of favorite : ) and the fact that you use the word quite. It makes you sound all sophisticated and shit.

    MJenks - I would TOTES let you love my naked face.

    I mean..... no, no. That's exactly what I meant.

    Brans-Muffin - We should have A BLOG WIDE PUMPKIN CARVING CONTEST.

    Ohmygod, best idea ever!

    Lor - Oh. Oh, I KNOW what you mean.

    Melanie - Dude, I already have crows feet!! And I'm only 21!! What the fuck, God?! Fix that shit, please!

    TAK - Um, that was me, remember?

    Fuck, I knew you were drunk, but I thought what we had was special...

    Ckrets - Rawr!!

    Soccer Mom - I can read between the lines. You're *obviously* insanely turned on right now, right?

    megwrites - Sigh. Yes, there are a lot of those around here. I'll make sure to look for him. After I make him smarter, I'll work on the other 29837429365 people in Louisiana who also need help.

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  12. A pumpkin in the face sounds very painful! I like your naked face, by the way, it would be sad if you lost half of it due to an oversized gourd.

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  13. I was inspired to do a no make-up shot, too! http://thetsaritsasez.com/2010/10/no-makeup.html

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  14. I have a friend who bought a pregnancy test from Dollar General. It was negative. 9 months later she went to the hospital and figured out why she had gotten so fat. I tried to get her on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, but they had already filmed a story EXACTLY like hers.


    Hopefully, with your Dollar General condoms, I'll have another pitch for IDKIWP. I'll keep my fingers crossed!

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  15. your naked face...rawr
    haha. Dolla store condoms should suffice as fantastic giant balloons to throw at kids.

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  16. Nice nudity. I did a nude photo like yours awhile back on my blog. If I weren't so fucking lazy I'd go look and link it up but seriously, my kid wants strawberries and I should probably get him some. I tried to convince him to have ice cream instead because you don't have to wash or cut up ice cream.

    Wait...is that wrong?

    Fuck it. He's fine. He's getting the strawberries. Settle down people.

    I like pumpkin carving too and am smart like Allison and also 'mis-spell' favourite and colour. So there.

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  17. Hot face lady. I would suggest the bf not throwing pumpkins at it unless you're into that shit.

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  18. Eeek! I can't wait for Halloween, I've already started buying decorations!

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  19. Pleeeeease carve a vagina in your Jack Off Lantern!!! You can do it all Georgia O'Keefe style and pass it off as art, see?!!

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  20. I still haven't put a picture of myself on the internet without makeup on. This Marilyn Manson mask doesn't scrub off too easy.

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  21. girl you are gorgeous! and for that i hate you...not really but you know...

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  22. But pumpkin carving is so messy. I prefer...pumpkin...um...painting. Yeah. Painting.

    Also, I almost never wear make-up. When I wear make-up, my roommates ask me why I'm all dressed up. Apparently the associate make up on me with special outings....

    ...go figure!

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  23. Tsaritsa - Yay for nudey face pictures everywhere!

    marissa - I probably shouldn't have flushed that thing earlier.....

    youdontknowmyname - You know, the best birth control is *actually* going to Chuck E. Cheese on a Friday night. Nothing makes me want to get my tubes tied more.

    Penny Lane - If I were you, I would have given him STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM. That idea was genius, right?

    Ginny - There are probably a lot more people turned on by pumpkins hitting them in the face than we realize...

    Brans-Muffin - YOU ARE GOING DOWN.

    Emily - I want to decorate my yard, but we never have kids walk around our neighborhood. I assume their parents drive them to the rich neighborhoods for the full size candy bars rather than the toothbrushes the old people in my neighborhood hand out.

    Bi - I could model it after my own! (Insert joke here.)

    Rahul - That was YOU under there??

    Paige - Hearing, "I hate you" from a woman is really the highest compliment you can receive, isn't it?

    Catherine - The never wearing makeup thing is a good plan. I really like to get people's hopes way, way down and then shock them when I finally get around to changing out of my pajamas and possibly even putting on pants.

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  25. DAMMIT I can't fucking spell!! Let's try this again...

    It's called Botox, baby...or botulism injections...whatever floats your boat. Crows feet NO MORE! Who gives a shit if you can't feel your face or show emotion?! Phfffshaw....

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  26. ZOMG. I love Halloween, too! Mostly 'cause I get to dress up like a slut. But a slut with a theme! Like a pirate or cat. I thought about going as your run of the mill whore but you're supposed to be something different for Halloween. #sawwhatIdidthere?

    Anyways, I saw your big ass face on the 20sb.net page. Holla.

    Lastly, brownchickenbrowncow? LMFAO.

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  27. Those are excellent odds, Sara. Excellent because I think your blog post about getting knocked up would be hilarious and you should really always be considering how your life choices can better facilitate our entertainment. Obviously.

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  28. I tagged you a blog game. Because I love you and I'm sorry that your relationship with the v-rap didn't work out. :( I'm telling you... the T-Rex is where it's at.

    http://boyfriendchallenged.blogspot.com/2010/10/8-questions.html

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  29. HE's totally going to fuck with your pumpkin.

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  30. Okay so I was getting all excited because I thought I was going to be able to enter and make a fucking smileyface pumpkin and then you go and spit on my pumpkin parade by telling me I can't actually enter? That this is just between you and Andy?

    Screw you guys! I'm going home!

    (Just kidding. I'll judge. Also, you pretty pretty pumpkin face.)

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  31. I love the "loving our naked faces" idea. Rock on.

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  32. So I didnt Carve a Pervy Pumpkin...but I did carve Pumpkins Inspiored by you Miss Sara and My Vulgar Pumpkin and Not so Vulgar Pumpkins are now posted in the Bloggerstock Blog Swap...where I plugged you...Let me know what You think!

    Also Good Luck!
    Brandie

    http://isittooearlyforamartini.blogspot.com/2010/10/bloggerstock-spooky.html

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