Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Guess Who?

Guess what?!

We have two new friends that know about this little blog! Whether they will read often or not, I don't know. But if so....

Hi Sister-In-Law!

Hi Best Friend!

I've written about my best friend briefly before because she is the reason for the name of my blog. (She's supah smart, y'all.) We are the type of best friends that are busy all the fucking time with work and school and significant others and being mommies to dogs so we rarely see each other, but when we do? All hell breaks loose.

When Andy and I first started dating and I would invite Katelynn (best friend) over, he would get all uncomfortable because he had no clue what we were talking about 99% of the time. Luckily, he learned our language and can now participate in the crazy.

One of our favorite things to do when she comes over is play the game Guess Who?

We sometimes forget that we don't play Guess Who the same as normal sane uncool people.

The first time we started playing Guess Who together was on a weekend trip to Baton Rouge a few years ago. We were staying at her brother's apartment and not even close to sober. He had a box full of old ass games like Sorry, Trivial Pursuit, and Don't Wake Daddy all in the original boxes. Also? He didn't own a TV. Apparently it's a hippie thing? No television + box full of boring games = CREATIVITY! (That sounds like it should be on an episode of Blue's Clues.)

We dug around in the "game box" until we came to Guess Who. Neither of us had played it in years, and I remember finding it very entertaining as a kid.

The game started out innocently enough with the typical, "Does your person have blonde hair?" or, "Is your person wearing a hat?" questions. We went through a few games this way, realizing how ridiculously fucking easy boring simple plain it was and that we are obviously way better than that so the game took a turn.

Me:  Does your person have blue eyes?

K:  Does your person have a vagina? (Way better than asking if their person is a girl.)

Me:  Is your person cheating on his/her significant other?

K:  Does your person have a sexually transmitted disease?

Me:  Is your person standing outside a little boy's window, jacking it?

K:  Is your person Rodney Dangerfield? (I swear, there is one character who had to have been modeled after our dear friend, Rodney. They look exactly alike.)

Me:  Does your person have a master's degree?
K:  Hmm... *examines card* No, no, I don't think so.
Me:  Seriously?
K:  Well, probably not. He probably got a bachelors degree, though.
Me:  Everybody gets their masters these days! Is he seriously that lazy?
K:  I'M JUST TELLING YOU THE FACTS, SARA.

We played that damn game for HOURS. And by HOURS, I mean like three entire fucking hours in a row. Her brother was having friends over in his backyard so every five minutes or so, someone new would walk through the house to get to the backyard and stop to observe the weirdness going on in the Guess Who marathon of the decade century.

After we had been playing for two hours or so, a group of people had formed around us and others were giving us suggestions on questions to ask.

"Ask her if her person has ever given Bernard (the guy in the game with the gray hat) a blow job."

"Ask her if her person is a Mac or a PC."

And the proof that we truly are the bestest best friends ever to exist?

WE GOT THE ANSWER RIGHT ALMOST EVERY TIME.

ASKING QUESTIONS LIKE THE ABOVE.

I dare you to find two best friends who are as connected as me and Katelynn, especially considering we only see each other every two months or so.

Luckily, she came over last weekend to hang out for Andy's birthday, and we had a blasty blast. Look how teeny tiny she looks. When we were in high school, it was impossible to get a good picture of the two of us. My huge head made her head look like a turtle and vice versa.



After drinking enough strawberry dickeries to make our tummies feel throw-uppy, Katelynn taught us "the secret masturbator" which involves her standing behind random objects, staring at me, and jerking her imaginary erection. Secret masturbator behind the kitchen curtain, behind a closet door, in the fridge, behind Andy. So many options, not enough alcohol time.

Remind me to tell you about Andy yelling, "DO YOU WANNA SUCK DICK?!" in front of everyone while we were playing a card game.


UPDATE:

So I thought everyone knew what the game Don't Wake Daddy was, but apparently there are some Don't Wake Daddy virgins in our midst. Harley says,

Okay I feel guilty because the first (and let's face it, only) image the game Don't Wake Daddy conjured in my head was of some kind of sick kiddy-fiddling scenario. Or maybe a sinister kidnapping.


Then I realised Don't Wake Daddy must be a family board game if it's in the company of gems like Guess Who and Trivial Pursuit, and then I wondered why incest would be the theme of a family board game.

Basically, I think you should explain this, because I have never heard of that game and frankly, it's the only thing I could focus on.
After I finished laughing, I looked for the commercial for Don't Wake Daddy.



Apparently Daddy doesn't allow eating after a certain time. Also apparently, Daddy sleeps in the living room. I don't really know what the fuck was going on there. What I do know, however, is that that game was like a little kid panic attack waiting to happen. Every fucking time I pushed that goddamn button, I just knew Daddy was going to jump up and scare the shit out of me. Every time we played that game, I would have a twitch for a week afterwards.

UPDATE 2:

Harley added this, and it was too good to leave off.

Okay I wiki-ed it and I see now that Don't Wake Daddy is actually a game about children who, for some reason that hasn't been explained, are forbidden from getting anything out of the kitchen at night (maybe they're chubby? maybe they're poor and have to be thrifty with every single bean? maybe they're allergic to food?). Daddy, meanwhile, is obviously a health nut who padlocks the fridge and sleeps with one eye open in case any of his sneaky spawn try to eat anything after midnight (he's obviously watched Gremlins one too many times).


That whole story sounds remarkably implausible. I think they should have gone with the kidnapping (not the incest/paedophilia, because I realise themes like that can be hard to explain to small children).

29 comments:

  1. "Ow, I banged my elbow on the washing machine! Fuck shit ass bitch cunt!" I'm well versed in the art of having a meltdown.

    I remember Guess Who? and remember wondering why there weren't any black people in the game. Friggin racists!

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  2. oh man im right there with you in meltdown city, maybe its just a cool girl thing

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  3. I love this version of Guess Who. So much more interesting then the actual version. And don't worry i lived in meltdown city during grad school. Now i only live in meltdown city when i get bitchy-ass-motherfucking tables at work.

    Also G-fab and i would like to challenge you to a best friend off. Best five out of seven categories but only two can involve sex cause you know Jeff is gay and all. :P

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  4. your version of guess who sounds incredible.

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  5. It's because you're creative that you have moods that go from one extreme to the other...that's what I tell myself. Now, where is that bottle of Xanax?

    By the way, your version of Guess who? FUCKING EPIC.

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  6. I get f'in pissed off every morning when I have to drive with the sun right in my eyes! I have actually yelled at the sun (on numerous occasions) for being in the wrong position in the sky.

    And it's not MY fault I live in the stupid part of town where driving to work means driving INTO THE SUN and driving home after work means driving INTO THE SUN. Ugh. I have seriously considered moving just so I don't have to be blinded twice a day. Every day.

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  7. I sooo love the "Guess Who" game. But I have to say your way of playing it sounds so much more fun.

    Awesome photo also.

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  8. You look great in that picture, my dear. :)

    And look at all these people who like your post. And Guess Who? apparently. I used to play that when I was little, but have never revisited since I was introduce to alcohol.

    UNO! however is a favorite between the beef and I. "DRAW FOUR BITCH" is incredibly fun to say.

    Lor

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  9. But wait...I have a Master's degree.

    *suddenly becomes sad and mopey*

    *shows self out*

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  10. Seriously, that's EXACTLY how I play Guess Who. I usually ask really offensive stuff like "does your person have a wonk eye?" or (my favorite) "does your person often forget to shave their pubes?"

    Good stuff.

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  11. wow, i thought I was the only one that overreacted about things like that. Don't let me lose my keys in the house when I have to go to work.. Something will be broken by the end of it... I love your blog so very much...

    amberlashell.com

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  12. We should have a Meldownoff. You described me to a tee.

    Actually no we shouldn't. We should just get insanely loaded and do more of the second option.

    Just sayin'!

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  13. Shit I haven't played Guess Who in years, but I suddenly have the urge to play it again...

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  14. I DIDN'T EVEN READ THIS POST BECAUSE I JUST HAD TO COME AND SAY THAT I REMEMBER GUESS WHO AND IT WAS LIKE THE BEST GAME EVEEERRRRRRR!!!

    Ok, I am done shouting. But for reals. Loved that shit.

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  15. Holy. Fuck. I'm going to the Goodwill to get a Guess Who game. And I wonder about people who don't have meltdowns. They freak the shit out of me. Everyone should have a moment of insanity once and a while.

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  16. HE DOES LOOK EXACTLY LIKE RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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  17. Fantastic Sara!

    I know how you feel about K. That's me n' Snaggletooth. Just wait until I post all the pix of us. You'll totally heart our pervy shots.

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  18. That sounds like one of the most epic and coolest games of Guess Who ever. I miss that game. :( It makes me long for my childhood again...

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  19. Okay I feel guilty because the first (and let's face it, only) image the game Don't Wake Daddy conjured in my head was of some kind of sick kiddy-fiddling scenario. Or maybe a sinister kidnapping.

    Then I realised Don't Wake Daddy must be a family board game if it's in the company of gems like Guess Who and Trivial Pursuit, and then I wondered why incest would be the theme of a family board game.

    Basically, I think you should explain this, because I have never heard of that game and frankly, it's the only thing I could focus on.

    Also though, can I come over and play guess who sometime? Your version sounds like fun..

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  20. loved the entire thing. also, i wanna do 30 days of truth!

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  21. Okay I wiki-ed it and I see now that Don't Wake Daddy is actually a game about children who, for some reason that hasn't been explained, are forbidden from getting anything out of the kitchen at night (maybe they're chubby? maybe they're poor and have to be thrifty with every single bean? maybe they're allergic to food?). Daddy, meanwhile, is obviously a health nut who padlocks the fridge and sleeps with one eye open in case any of his sneaky spawn try to eat anything after midnight (he's obviously watched Gremlins one too many times).

    That whole story sounds remarkably implausible. I think they should have gone with the kidnapping (not the incest/paedophilia, because I realise themes like that can be hard to explain to small children).

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  22. Oh the lovely game of Guess Who? How in the world did it ever keep us entertained as kids? Oh right, we were kids. :-)

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  23. so you get really angry and really happy.

    I would make a joke about you being bipolar, but I think you are just a woman.

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  24. Don't Wake Daddy! Haha. I was going to comment on this thinking I was all cool for remembering that game and then you went and explained it all to everyone and I don't feel so cool anymore. Haha. But I do love that game. And I TOTALLY remember that commercial too. Way too many early mornings watching Cartoon Network before school may be to blame for that. Also, my sibs and I came up with our own live action version of that game called, "Bully." Ha. One of us (usually me) would be the bully, 'sleeping' in the bed, and the rest of 'em would have to get through the room without waking up the bully but it usually just involved me chasing them around the house. We were THAT cool.

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  25. Holy Christ Sara!! You crack me up! I love reading your blog because I'm always guaranteed a side splitting good read! :) I really wish I were clever enough to have thought about that version of Guess Who?

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  26. i absolutely can't wait to buy you a drink!

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  27. This is obviously the best adaptation of Guess Who ever and I'm going to have to introduce it to everyone I know.

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  28. "Don't Wake Daddy" always raised so many questions in my mind. Why is Daddy so overprotective? Where is Mommy? Is Daddy such an asshole because Mommy Broke The Ice with the patient in Operation and he's taking out his resentment on you now that he's realizing you look suspiciously like Rich Uncle Pennybags?

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  29. The Guess Who game, your version, is fucking great. And the comments on Don't Wake Daddy have me chuckling out loud to myself in my very quiet house. It's just me and the dogs; they don't get it.

    Thanks for making me smile on an otherwise shit-ass morning, Sara!

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