Friday, October 15, 2010

Eight Questions!

Okay, so Heather passed this fun little meme along, and I don't always do memes, but this one looked like a good time so here ya go!

1. If you could give your readers one piece of advice, what would it be?

"Be nice to your vagina."

(I really like linking y'all to stuff that includes the word 'vagina' because I know you're scared to clickity click it. Muahaha!)

2. Name the three things that you love the most about your life.

I love my fiancee. Whether we elope, have an insanely huge wedding, or pull a Kurt & Goldie - I'll be happy as long as we do it together.


We're a *teensy* bit happier than this picture lets on. 

I love my stupid, silly dogs. Even when they shit all over the house. And run away, thinking we're playing a game. And put their disguting, dirty paws all over my nice work clothes. Wait a second, why do I love them again?




I love that I'm quitting smoking. Okay, so, not really. Actually, it super sucks. But I have already gone one full day with ZERO cigarettes so I figured I would announce it to the bloggity world to keep myself in check. Sigh. Goodbye smoke breaks...



3. If you could switch places with any one of your friends or family members for one day, who would you choose and why?

I would choose my best friend so I could be hit on by 16 year olds ALL. DAY. LONG. I guess that's what happens when you look like you're fifteen. (Sorry, Katelynn!)

4. What is one trend that you wish didn’t exist or that had never caught on?

Leggings as pants. Oh, dear God. Leggings as pants is perfectly acceptable if you are a skinny person. But since it is pretty obvious that people in this country cannot tell if they are skinny or not (if you have to think about it - YOU'RE NOT), this trend just needs to die. HARD. I am so tired of seeing huge, fat, cottage cheese asses hanging out from under tshirts that barely make it past your stomach.

Also? Can old women PLEASE stop trying to dress like they're 18? Fuck.

5. Name three inventions you consider to be ingenious.

Vibrators
Condoms
Tampons

Apparently I'm going with a theme through this meme.


6. At your funeral, you want people to remember you as…

"Wasn't she that weird girl who talked about her vagina on the internet?"

 
7. If you could be famous, what would you like to be famous for and what celebrities would be in your posse?

I would probably be famous for showing my vagina on the internet. (What? I talk about it all the time. Do you really think it's not going to end up ON MY BLOG at some point, y'all?)

My posse would obviously include Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, and Lindsay Blowhan. Because those bitches know how PARTY.

8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down?

Aly, Taylor, Courtney, LorraineNicoleRisha, Nugs, Mandy Moore

A 20sb party! A very sexciting girl party with pillow fights and making out...

And apparently I'm supposed to ask 8 question to 8 bloggers. Good thing I just happened to pick 8 people to come to my blogger party!

1. In the event of a zombie apocolypse, do you want me to kill you or let you eat me?
2. If you could have a penis/vagina (whichever you don't have) for one whole day, what would you do?
3. Have you ever had sex on a washer? (I'm very curious about this idea.)
4. What's your favorite color? Or colour, in Risha's case?
5. If we made a lovechild, what would you name it?
6. If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, would you have lots and lots of sex today?
7. If you had to choose between a million dollars and no more orgasms for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I liked this one...)

And I am posting a guest post from Nugs that was originally on another's blogger's site because this shit made me laugh:

Hey Guys,

Nugs here from over at ThatAintKosher. Sara Nips requested that I take over for her today, and that's awesome because I'm in love with her blog. In fact, if it were possible to make sweet monkey love to a website, That Ain't Kosher would be pregnant with little Sara Swears A Lots by now. I should warn all of you that I generally read Sara's posts without any pants on, which means that I'm waist-nakey right now. Try to contain yourselves from jacking it too loudly.

This was my original Bloggerstock post for September, but I had to censor it because it may have been too Kosher-ific for the site it was assigned to. However, Sara has zero shame and agreed to post the Nugsified version.

This month's topic was “Do-Over”- if your life had a rewind button, what event would you choose to alter so that the outcome played out differently? Despite the fact that this actually forced me to engage in some deep thought, I liked this topic because it allowed me to get the creative juices flowing.

Speaking of “flowing juices,” I know exactly which moment in my life I would pick- the relinquishment of the V-Card. No amount of time spent reading Judy Blume or watching bloody horror movies could have prepared me for that uneventful misfortune. Fuck you, pop culture. I call bullshit on you.

Due to the fact that both of us combined had all the sexual experience of a fucking hacky sack, it lasted about twelve seconds. I remember that it kind of felt like I was being attacked from the inside by an open-mouthed water moccasin.

 
Also, I had given into the cliché of “sex on the beach,” so there was sand in pretty much every orifice of my body, not to mention under my fingernails and between my toes.

I had gone out with a group that night, so all my friends were about a hundred feet away, which left no room for any romantic encounters afterward. It was pretty much, “oh, was that it? OK, OW,” and then we walked limped back to the flock. Keep in mind that we were both in high school, so I wasn’t really expecting much of anything, but at least some fucking reassurance would have been nice.

How would I have adjusted this experience to my liking?

First of all, I would have substituted my less-than-stellar partner with Sawyer from Lost. He’s used to island sex so I figure sand wouldn’t be an issue for him.

 
Also, I probably would have shaken the rocks and seaweed out of my hair before heading back to my girlfriend's because that definitely would have made it less obvious. I'm a fucking moron so this didn't occur to me at the time.

Maybe I would have put a couple of pillows under my ass as well. Of course it’s not like I planned this whole thing, so I actually couldn’t have done this stuff.

Anyway, that’s my “do-over” moment. Thanks to Sara and her blow-up dolls for letting me spray my colorful language all over her blog.

19 comments:

  1. Your vampire smokes and my hooker smokes should TOTALLY hook up!!!

    http://aggykryss.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-suck-at-life.html?showComment=1283110086715#c8676951564563127797

    They'd make the cutest couple ever.

    Good guest blog, too!

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  2. I agree - leggings are leggings not pants. If your "dress" or "shirt" doesn't cover your ass, assume that it doesn't look good and put some fucking pants on!

    I blame Lady GaGa.

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  3. Yeah, women over 40 need to get a memo that they can no longer wear the same outfits as their teenaged daughters. Sorry!

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  4. Sex on the washer. If you have not tried it then you need to. Better yet the dryer, because we all know that just as you are getting really pumped up the washer cycle will stop.

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  5. I never understood the leggings as pants craze. It reminds me of those pants they had in the 80s or 90s with the stretchy loop thing on the bottom of the foot. And people would wear those all the time and look terrible in them. I think stupid fashion people need to die out already.

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  6. YAY! You want me to be at your party! Wouldn't that be the BEST? We should have that party on Bourbon Street. Meet halfway-ish. Am I supposed to post (that sounds strange if you read it out loud, by the way) these questions and answers on my blog now? LOL

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  7. I know I wasn't tagged, but I'm going to answer question #5 by saying we would name our lovechild Mary. Mary Jane Normally-Swears.

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  8. #3...Yup, but your man better be pretty damn tall. Or perhaps a small step stool, otherwise it's way too hard to manage.

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  9. I didn't think about the height problem. How do other people handle that?!

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  10. Mary Jane Normally-Swears is possibly the cutest baby name I've ever seen, btdubs.

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  11. haha, awesome stuff, both of you.

    Sara/weird girl who wants people to remember her vagina/internet escapades. I would love it if old women could dress theyre age, or atleast borrowing clothes from their great grand daughters.

    @ Nugs: You live you learn.

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  12. You didn't ask me, because clearly you don't love me anymore, but if we had a lovechild, I'd name it Sarienette.
    Whether it's a boy or girl. That's just how we roll.

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  13. 1) That sounds like an amazing party.

    2) Don't take offense when I point out the fact that we both know I'm never actually going to do this. Or maybe I will, but I won't finish/post it for about two years. Look for this survey in 2012. I'll be inviting a newlywed accidentally preggo Sara to my blogger party.

    3) I squirmed a little at the miserable thought of all the sand in Nugs's tragic devirginization.

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  14. I love it. Love it all. I have no words...ahahaha

    I'm a new follower! Thought I'd comment on how hilarious you are... but you obviously already know this... so now I just sound stupid. CRAP

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  15. Hopefully this post will get me some new followers. Not if they're smart, though.

    That slumber party sounds EPIC. I'm already drunk with anticipation.

    Fuck, now I need to write a new post.

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  16. I was going to take the jug-o-wine of mine to your blogger party, then I wasn't invited. So I drank it all. Then I was thinking of crashing the party riding in on an armadillo. Hmmm this can still work.

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  17. Just found you over at 20SB and I love you! XD

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  18. So, I just want to say unequivocally that I am so with you on the age-appropriate dress thing.

    I know an older woman (46) who was dressing far too young for a while, and I tried to address it indirectly but didn't have the heart to tell her how unflattering her clothing choices were.

    It just comes off as desperate, pathetic, or oblivious. The worst thing is when you come across teenage girls wearing Hollister and Aeropostale and then see their withered mothers trying to rock the same outfits.

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  19. Ok. I FINALLY answered these. There's a load of faffing before the questions but you can skip it: http://epitaphforaheart.wordpress.com/2010/10/25/born-to-run/

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