1. If you could give your readers one piece of advice, what would it be?
"Be nice to your vagina."
(I really like linking y'all to stuff that includes the word 'vagina' because I know you're scared to clickity click it. Muahaha!)
2. Name the three things that you love the most about your life.
I love my fiancee. Whether we elope, have an insanely huge wedding, or pull a Kurt & Goldie - I'll be happy as long as we do it together.
We're a *teensy* bit happier than this picture lets on.
I love my stupid, silly dogs. Even when they shit all over the house. And run away, thinking we're playing a game. And put their disguting, dirty paws all over my nice work clothes. Wait a second, why do I love them again?
I love that I'm quitting smoking. Okay, so, not really. Actually, it super sucks. But I have already gone one full day with ZERO cigarettes so I figured I would announce it to the bloggity world to keep myself in check. Sigh. Goodbye smoke breaks...
3. If you could switch places with any one of your friends or family members for one day, who would you choose and why?
I would choose my best friend so I could be hit on by 16 year olds ALL. DAY. LONG. I guess that's what happens when you look like you're fifteen. (Sorry, Katelynn!)
4. What is one trend that you wish didn’t exist or that had never caught on?
Leggings as pants. Oh, dear God. Leggings as pants is perfectly acceptable if you are a skinny person. But since it is pretty obvious that people in this country cannot tell if they are skinny or not (if you have to think about it - YOU'RE NOT), this trend just needs to die. HARD. I am so tired of seeing huge, fat, cottage cheese asses hanging out from under tshirts that barely make it past your stomach.
Also? Can old women PLEASE stop trying to dress like they're 18? Fuck.
5. Name three inventions you consider to be ingenious.
Apparently I'm going with a theme through this meme.
6. At your funeral, you want people to remember you as…
"Wasn't she that weird girl who talked about her vagina on the internet?"
7. If you could be famous, what would you like to be famous for and what celebrities would be in your posse?
I would probably be famous for showing my vagina on the internet. (What? I talk about it all the time. Do you really think it's not going to end up ON MY BLOG at some point, y'all?)
My posse would obviously include Katy Perry, Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, and Lindsay Blowhan. Because those bitches know how PARTY.
8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down?
Aly, Taylor, Courtney, Lorraine, Nicole, Risha, Nugs, Mandy Moore
A 20sb party! A very sexciting girl party with pillow fights and making out...
And apparently I'm supposed to ask 8 question to 8 bloggers. Good thing I just happened to pick 8 people to come to my blogger party!
1. In the event of a zombie apocolypse, do you want me to kill you or let you eat me?
2. If you could have a penis/vagina (whichever you don't have) for one whole day, what would you do?
3. Have you ever had sex on a washer? (I'm very curious about this idea.)
4. What's your favorite color? Or colour, in Risha's case?
5. If we made a lovechild, what would you name it?
6. If you found out you were going to die tomorrow, would you have lots and lots of sex today?
7. If you had to choose between a million dollars and no more orgasms for the rest of your life, what would you choose?
8. If you were going to host a blogger house party which bloggers would you invite and what would go down? (I liked this one...)
And I am posting a guest post from Nugs that was originally on another's blogger's site because this shit made me laugh:
Nugs here from over at ThatAintKosher. Sara Nips requested that I take over for her today, and that's awesome because I'm in love with her blog. In fact, if it were possible to make sweet monkey love to a website, That Ain't Kosher would be pregnant with little Sara Swears A Lots by now. I should warn all of you that I generally read Sara's posts without any pants on, which means that I'm waist-nakey right now. Try to contain yourselves from jacking it too loudly.
This was my original Bloggerstock post for September, but I had to censor it because it may have been too Kosher-ific for the site it was assigned to. However, Sara has zero shame and agreed to post the Nugsified version.
This month's topic was “Do-Over”- if your life had a rewind button, what event would you choose to alter so that the outcome played out differently? Despite the fact that this actually forced me to engage in some deep thought, I liked this topic because it allowed me to get the creative juices flowing.
Speaking of “flowing juices,” I know exactly which moment in my life I would pick- the relinquishment of the V-Card. No amount of time spent reading Judy Blume or watching bloody horror movies could have prepared me for that uneventful misfortune. Fuck you, pop culture. I call bullshit on you.
Due to the fact that both of us combined had all the sexual experience of a fucking hacky sack, it lasted about twelve seconds. I remember that it kind of felt like I was being attacked from the inside by an open-mouthed water moccasin.
Also, I had given into the cliché of “sex on the beach,” so there was sand in pretty much every orifice of my body, not to mention under my fingernails and between my toes.
I had gone out with a group that night, so all my friends were about a hundred feet away, which left no room for any romantic encounters afterward. It was pretty much, “oh, was that it? OK, OW,” and then we
How would I have adjusted this experience to my liking?
First of all, I would have substituted my less-than-stellar partner with Sawyer from Lost. He’s used to island sex so I figure sand wouldn’t be an issue for him.
Also, I probably would have shaken the rocks and seaweed out of my hair before heading back to my girlfriend's because that definitely would have made it less obvious. I'm a fucking moron so this didn't occur to me at the time.
Maybe I would have put a couple of pillows under my ass as well. Of course it’s not like I planned this whole thing, so I actually couldn’t have done this stuff.
Anyway, that’s my “do-over” moment. Thanks to Sara and her blow-up dolls for letting me spray my colorful language all over her blog.