Friday, August 20, 2010

Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner! - UPDATED!

Okay, so you probably know by now that I NEVER get anything done when I say I'm going to and I suck at life yada, yada, yada, get over it.

So the contest was fucking ah-maz-ing. I knew you guys were incredible, but DAMN. You really came through, and y'all are fucking disgusting. I had some favorites, but I let Andy choose all on his own. And can you guess which one he chose as the winner? I highly doubt you'll be surprised, kiddos.

The winner of the supah sexy Chippendale calendar goes to...........

Abasee at Abesement of Me! Her entry was awesome and horrible and I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO, ANDY and well, here it is:

When I was 18 I was dating my future husband and we were hanging out at his apartment. We had been fooling around for a while and decided to get freaky. So he turned me over doggy style and began licking my vag and ass and next thing I know he's got a finger in the rear door. I'm liking the action so I roll with it, and getting close to that O moment. He pulls out a toy and plunges it in my ass, and because I'm not prepared I clench up at the same time. Suddenly the room is very quiet - too quiet. I turn my head to see what had happened and he is COVERED with my poo, all over his face, in his hair, all over the bed. I am shocked, horrified, and wondering what to do when he burst out laughing. We both laughed hysterically for few minutes, then got into the shower to clean ourselves off. Then we finished that freaky shit and took another shower. Yeah baby!
SHIT ON YOUR DICK EXISTS, Y'ALL. Don't ever say I never gave you anything.

So congratulations, girlfriend! (I couldn't find your email to let you know so send me one at tatorhead328 at yahoo dot com so I can get your address.)

I should really do contests more often. I had no clue so many grossies read this blog. Thanks for putting my story to shame.

Also, yeah, I did change my picture and yeah, it is a mirror/camera phone picture and it is a lot like a high schooler's facebook picture but can you please stop pointing all that out because I was tired of looking at that picture of me looking all grossed out with the child's cup at Raising Cane's because COME ON CHICKEN RESTAURANT, adults order the children's meal, too, okay? Stopjudgingme. And that picture is awesome because it's hippie-style and also, I'm doing motherfucking DUCK FACE which can never go wrong. So you're welcome.

It's Friday. I'm gettin' drunk tonight. So that is all.

UPDATE:  Best. Comment. Ever.

Yo, I'm really happy for you, Abasee, and I'm gonna let you finish. But, yo. Aggy had one of the greatest accidental-Nazi-fucking stories of ALL TIME...

Thank you, BabyJesus.


  1. Congrats.

    When I read her story, I was like "there's no contest here. No one else should even try. That's a guaranteed winner."

    I'm glad my musings to myself proved true.

  2. Man, when I was 18 I don't think I had graduated from drunk missionary. So props to her. And her boyfriend.

  3. Is it just me, or is anyone else hungry for chocolate now?

  4. Oh hell yeah! Wooo, the first blog contest I've ever won, I'm stoked! And yeah, I started young with the freaky stuff, what can I say. Thanks Sara!

  5. Haha I just started reading this blog now and this story is amazing. I like how they ended up getting married- it's kinda sweet haha

    Anyways, love the blog- totally going to start following!


  6. oh god i thought shit on your dick was a myth...

  7. Yo, I'm really happy for you, Abasee, and I'm gonna let you finish. But, yo. Aggy had one of the greatest accidental-Nazi-fucking stories of ALL TIME...

  8. I also loved that the horror of poo-covered boyfriend had a happy ending ;)

  9. Sara looks cut with Duckface, but why do women always cross their legs in pictures??? Makes you look like you have to pee.

  10. AND you ended up marrying him? Awesome.

  11. Hahaha ewww she definitely deserved to win!

    You know when you've had your shit on a guys face and he still wants you it's true love!

  12. I should have entered, but I was unaware of the contest. Oh anal adventure story should be saved for the novel anyway.

  13. Love that new picture. Duck Face is totally fucking awesome.

    Good luck with school, yo.

  14. THis is some funny shit. You swear a lot so that means I can swear in your comment section, right?

  15. Fucking brilliant. Literally. I love the fact that they were totally matter of fact about the shit and carried on regardless. RESPECT.

  16. I'm very sad I didn't win. Let Down City now has a population of 2.

    Also, next time you want someone to drunk text you, make sure they have your phone number first. Hint: I totally would drunk text you (and expect some drunk texts back, mind you).

  17. I cross my legs when I'm standing in heels. : ) For some reason, it's way more comfortable. Probably something to do with my weak little ankles trying to hold up my big, huge body all day long?

    But I like that I look like I need to pee. That's pretty hawt. Picture stays!