Friday, August 27, 2010

Alligator Tastes Like Chicken. And Also Like Alligator.

So school started this week -- which means that I am officially LSU's bitch and can no longer give my blog the lovin' it normally gets. Let Down City, Population: 1. Also, my English teacher requires us to start a personal blog and write about whatever we want for grades. What do you think the possibility of Sara Swears a Lot getting an A for effort is? The school blog will be incredibly boring, but I guess I'll get some practice at writing about things that don't involve shit, dick, or vag. (That last sentence was painful to write.)

Also, I went to a Cajun restaurant last night and ate alligator. And bought a ton of postcards. And they're hilarious. If you want one, you should email me because I really love sending postcards. If you don't want one, then fuck you. I didn't want to send you one anyways.

Plus I bought two extra Louisiana-fied presents while I was there and have to decide who should get them. Don't get all excited in the pants; they aren't that great.

I'm going to try to do a blog series with this "seven things" business, but only because Aly asked me to do it, and I worship her writing skillz (yep, that's a z) and would do anything she asked me to do. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check hers out. And I'm going to need ideas from y'all for what to do my seven things series on. I would do some serious shit, but I have a feeling that might get boring quick. So give me some ideas, bums!

I'm keeping it short since it's Friday. Everybody get drunk tonight. And record yourself. But not during sex. Because that shit always comes back to haunt you. Like when you have friends over and somebody turns on the TV, but oh wait, it hasn't been changed back to the "Cable Box" setting and ohmyfuckinggod who are these two people paused in mid-hump on the TV and is that girl related to Kim Kardashian because LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ASS, cue uncomfortable silence and lots of fumbling to turn the TV off.

Wait, what?

Anystupidbitchesneedtostoptalkingaboutmyfatassway, happy weekending, y'all.


  1. Ugh, I hope that shit never comes back to haunt me. I shudder at the thought! But hey, maybe I'll get my own reality series, too...

    Gonna look and see what "7 things" is so I can leave a suggestion. Also, I want a postcard.

  2. I, for one, like a curvy ass.

    I'll bring popcorn.


  3. A personal blog for English class sounds fun! Too bad Sara Swears A Lot couldn't be an approved subject, right?! haha.
    I want a postcard! I love getting mail. Anything but bills.
    And, thanks for the comment on my blog! I'm glad you were getting into it--I personally thought it was kind of boring. Hopefully it's not one of those "serious seven things series" that "gets boring real quick," right?!

  4. I totally think you should turn in Sara Swears A Lot. Haha! A for Effort!

    Also, I'm recording myself getting drunk this weekend when I finally do that vlog you've been on my ass about.

  5. I'd better be getting one of those postcards, Missy. I'm still shopping for the perfect ones to mail out. It's hard to find the perfect combination of classy and raunchy.

    As far as the seven things, I've been thinking about this too. So far I've come up with seven favorite places (from my favorite place to sit in the whole house, to my favorite state to visit that doesn't suck much). Also considering my seven favorite losers. Because being a loser is my speciality. If I think of any other ones that are actually good, I will pop back over and throw them out at you.
    PS. If I receive a present? Then I'm totally buying you something at the next biker rally.

  6. like no vag at all? is that a requirement because i'd totally ask. it's unamerican.

  7. I need a postcard and while I'm touring rural Saskatchewan this weekend I will try to find you another one. Hopefully a funny one. And I probably won't get drunk tonight because there's too much to do tomorrow and I'll never record myself 'doing it' because after four kids there is more to worry about than a little junk in the trunk. Like loose fucking skin galore. Barf.

  8. I really wish that you would use Sara Swears a Lot, if only because I want to know how your professor would react.

  9. Postcard to Spain!! Do it now! I like free shit a lot.

  10. 7 most embarassing moments of your entire life?
    7 men you would least like to sleep with?
    7 women you most definitely would?
    Top 7 moments it's inappropriate to make a 'that's what she said' joke?

    Hit me up with a postcard, yo, there's one on the way to you from rainy, miserable Enger-land.

  11. Holy shit I got drunk last night. REAL drunk. Let's just say I bought a box of Franzia on my way home from work. I leave work at 1 p.m. I drank straight through until 2 a.m. (but I went out and stuff, not just sitting at home with the Franzia).

    Sooooooooo hungover this morning.

    Don't know why I felt compelled to write this as a comment seeing as it only really applies tangentially to your last paragraph. But hey, sharing is caring.

  12. I have a recording from the last time my old manager, Manfriend and I got absolutely shittered.

    I laugh my nontesticular balls off. Can't share it though since it's total blackmail material and I still like that manager.

  13. First, would love a Louisiana post card, but I live in the UK now and, believe me, posting anything over hear is a royal ass pain of the epic variety.

    Second, I' loving that you describe yourself as a mother of three and then proceed to describe your canines. Way better choice if you ask me.

    Loving this blog and planning to stalk it, webby-style, from here on out.

  14. If I was your english teacher, I'd fail you for NOT using this blog. It's pure genius and totally deserves more than a flipping A for effort!

  15. I say only record yourself during sex.

    You can make millions.

  16. I would love a postcard, I will send you back one from Australia too!

    Totally use your blog for Uni, you would rock the A so easy

  17. If the teach doesn't appreciate your blog then she clearly doesn't give a damn about the art of writing! =)))

  18. I'll trade you a random Louisana postcard for one from Kansas City...I'll even look around to find one that's really sad and only shows, like, a flat, empty field.

  19. 7 different verbs for sex - perhaps even a "sweet to vulgar" scale. For instance, "make love" would be on the lowest-end of the scale, and BEAT THAT! BEAT THAT! BEAT THAT! would be on the high-end.

    You can also do your own analysis of The Seven Deadly Sins. Sure, everyone's written about it, but it's a fun topic and I'm sure you can put your Sara-spin on it. Do you even know what the seven are without cheating? Bet you don't. And don't tell me that you knew and lie to me because I'll find out and then I'll pay a midget to come to your house and hide in your hamper and videotape you and Andy having engaged buttsex and then I'll send the footage of the shit on Andy's dick to everyone in the blogsphere...then what you gonna do?

    In all seriousness, considering your following you'd probably get a good grade for the blog. I say roll with that shit.

    Damn that was the longest comment I've ever left.

  20. I so should get credit for sending you a postcard from Michigan even though I'm in Texas, really...

    and where's mine?

    ....dick :)

  21. Yours went out today! Because I'm an excellent procrastinator in case you didn't know. Plus I was trying to figure out what kind of box to put the alligator in that I was mailing to you, but it turns out that's illegal or something? Go figure.

  22. Hmmmm. Recording yourself having sex? Nah. Recording other people... now that's hilarious.

  23. I want a postcard! Gimme! I'll send you an Irish one!

  24. LSU! Good luck back at school. A blog that's like "clean" for school? Are you not allowed to swear a lot for this assignment?

  25. Oh postcard is two alligators humping, isn't it?

  26. okay, if you're in Red Stick at the oh-so-awesome LSU, then i'm really close to you and can we meet up and be awkward together sometime? i got a couch you can sleep on and alll....
    and plenty of booze, NOLA style!

    : ]