Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Penny Lane *Updated

Fiancee and I found Penny Lane at a Pet Smart adoption day. We had been going to adoption day every single Saturday for weeks because we love playing with the dogs that need a home. We always knew we weren't going to get one of them because we already had two dogs. Who the hell needs another mouth to feed when we're trying to save for a wedding?

Apparently we do. I was trying to convince Fiancee to let us take home a Chow/Lab mix (our usual routine that always ended with him saying no) when he pointed out a black and white dog with one blue eye. "What about her?" he asked me. We walked over to her crate and found out she was an Australian cattle dog. In other words? The most hyper fucking dog on the planet. Yet she was just sitting in her cage, looking up at us with that fucking adorable blue eye, calm as could be.

After much deliberation (45 seconds), we decided we had to have her. We named her almost immediately. (And don't you dare ask me where I got the name from. If you don't know that Beatles song, you are dead to me.)

We were immediately attached to her, and vice versa. She would never leave my side, even joining me in the bathroom. She cried when I took a shower because she couldn't see me. And she still does this shit three months later. If Fiancee goes to take the trash to the curb, she cries at the door the whole time he's gone.

Now look at this face.

My obedience school instructor tells Penny she has "movie star looks", and I have to agree. But sometimes she can be a little bitch.

Every single time I get up from the couch to walk somewhere, she is right under my feet. Not behind. Not next to. Right under. I trip on that fucking dog multiple times every single night. I swear to God she does that shit on purpose.

Penny Lane is absolutely evil to Jean-Claude. She's 3 months old so she thinks that everyone wants to play just as much as her. She is very, very wrong. Jean-Claude jumps on the sofa to get away from her, and she GRABS HIM BY THE TAIL AND PULLS HIM DOWN. If that's not evil, I don't know what is.

She also likes to let all the other animals out of their resting spots. Jean-Claude sleeps in the master bathroom where his kennel is, and Duke sleeps in the office where his bed is. Right when I let her out of her cage after work, she makes a beeline to the bathroom to let JC out and then heads straight for the office where she lets Duke out. Which means I go from calm, zen, after-work Sara into, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DAMN DOGS DOING?! DROP THAT SHOE! STOP LICKING ME! IF YOU JUMP ON ME ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR TO GOD..."

I love my dogs, but SHIT, man. They are really fucking annoying sometimes.

But then?

Then we take her to obedience school and realize that she is the smartest dog in her class. She's like that nerdy fat kid in elementary school (ahem, me) because she loves to learn and she's damn good at it. She learned how to sit in just ten minutes. She can roll over on command. She high fives. She will actually sit and stay even though I can tell it's killing her inside to have to sit still for that long.

So even though I call her a bitch roughly seventeen times a week? I have never loved a pet as much as I love this freaking dog. (Stop being a baby, Jean-Claude. I love you both equally, ok?)


Right after I wrote this beautiful post about my lovely dog, I realized I forgot something.

Last night, she was apparently wanting me to feed her. Again. She had already had her dinner for the night so I told her she couldn't have any more. Right after I told her no, she grabbed her food bowl, moved it to the middle of the kitchen....


What. A. Fucking. Bitch.


  1. Wow. Thanks.

    Now I have fucking trumpet solos in ears and in my eyes.


    This (and, because, y'know, they die and shit) is one of the reasons why I've held out against getting a pet for a while.

  2. I've always wanted a dog with two different coloured eyes.

  3. I'm pretty sure that Penny Lane and Nixon would be best friends, because he does a lot of the same shit.

    Walking right under my feet? Check

    Barking at the door when i take my trash to the dumpster? Check

    Pulling Kennedy off the couch by her tail? Check

    Never leaving my side/following me to the bathroom? Check

    I think some rescue dogs (I got Nixon from the humane society, somebody found him in the woods) just never get over being abandoned/alone, so they latch on for dear life.

    But really, could we live without them? (i can't)

  4. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog lately!

    This post cracked me up! I can't believe she pissed in her food bowl- amazing. That is definitely my kinda dog. "I'm fucking hungry and if you don't feed me, you'll pay!"

  5. Haaa I love Penny Lane! As soon as I read that she was an Australian Cattle dog I loved her (hello, Australia, equals = Awesome) but then I read the shit she does and I laughed out loud and now I love her even mooooree.

  6. bwahahaha, she peed in it. Classic.

  7. Your dog is a fucking genius. Nerdy fat kid analogy = perfection. (I should know.)

  8. I pee in my bowl when denied extra food, too. You don't WANT to know what I do when told that I can't have more alcohol.

    Where is the copier/fax post? I loved it!

  9. MJenks - the dying part usually isn't too fun. That's why I made sure to buy immortal pets. You're stuck with them forever!

    Allison - It's pretty adorable. And sometimes a little creepy. But mostly adorable.

    Coyote Rose - Glad to know I'm not alone with the annoying dog business! They would probably be BEST friends. Penny Lane likes to play rough (like her mama ZING!) and my other dogs don't like playing so hard with her, y'know, since she's a bitch and all.

    Aladdin - If you could say that quotation in the Asian girl's voice from Knocked Up, it would make my life. "That's my food, baby."

    J - She thinks she's pretty hilarious, too. What a bitch.

    MissLiv - In the dog world, Australian means FUCKING CRAZY PSYCHO. Same for the human world? If so, I would really, really like to meet you.

    Katie - I can't believe I didn't have the video camera out. I was too busy yelling WHATTHEFUCKPENNYLANEYOUDUMBBITCH!

    OWO - Can we please bond over how fat and nerdy we were as children? I have plenty of horror stories...

    FYM - I'm a perfectionist so I had to pull it down and fix some things before I posted it for good! Damn my attention to detail!

    BM - I'll let her know! And then she'll probably cut my ponytail off while I'm sleeping. That's what mean girls do, I hear.

  10. OMG that dog is so fucking cute! I am going to poop the cutest easter bunny out of my butt just for looking at that picture! I will send you a pic when i am done and we can compare the cuteness of our animals...hope mine survives the journey ;o(

  11. Hmm, I was just thinking the same thing about kids the other day. I love my kids, but man, they are really fucking annoying sometimes.

  12. My dog can also high five and roll over and stay and sit! She also collects the mail and brings it to you to put in your hand. I've been trying to think of new tricks to teach her, because I feel like she actually LIKES learning, but so far I've got nada...

    We're obviously awesome parents to have such smart children. I mean owners. And dogs.