My office is full of beautiful, 20-something women who are all friends. They have the same sense of humor as me, and they're the kind of girlfriends every girl needs.
Unfortunately, I suck at making friends about as much as I used to suck at dating. I get incredibly awkward around girls I want to be friends with. I make extremely lame jokes, say inappropriate things, and kick myself in the ass twenty minutes later when I'm sitting at my desk, thinking of a witty comment I should have made instead of the half-ass joke I came up with.
Like I've said before: Making friends is just like dating.
Friday at work, W said, "I'm so glad it's Friday! Some of us are going to Tiki Bar tonight after work if you want to come." Right when I was opening my mouth to say, "YES! I'D LOVE TO COME! BEMYBESTFRIENDFOREVERPLEASE," I noticed that she was looking at the woman next to me.
Um, hi? Can I be friends with you, too? I promise I'm really funny when I get in my element. Sometimes I even make really hilarious penis jokes.
After work on Friday, I was boo-hooing to Fiancee about it.
"We all get along so well at work. They even laugh at my jokes sometimes! And we text each other when we're not at work. I'm even laying down all the signs that I'm free on the weekends and want to be friends with them, but they're not picking up the signs! They hate me! CryCryCryCry."
(Seriously, people. I'm ridiculous. I wasn't this nervous trying to get Fiancee to be my boyfriend, for fuck's sake.)
Since the girls at work obviously suck balls at picking up my hey-i'm-free-be-my-friend signals, I decided to wait until I'd had a few drinks in me Friday night to send a friendly, totally not creepy, um, no it's not weird at all, stop judging me text message to W. It was a pretty simple, "Hey, I'm out drinking for the third time since I turned 21. You'd be proud!" rather than what I wanted to send which was something along the lines of, "Do you want to be my best friend? Check 'yes' or 'go ahead and cut yourself, bitch, because that shit ain't happening.'"
And you know what happened after that? FUCKING NOTHING. I didn't get a text message back at all.
Yeah, I bet you thought there would be a happy ending here where we all became best buds and hugged and had pillow fights and made out (like girls do). Well this is the real world fuckers. Stop being so damn hopeful!
PSYCHE! (Bringing back the 90s, baby!)
Okay, but really, there totally is a happy ending here.
This morning at work, we were all standing outside smoking and W said, "I'm having a little get-together at my house this weekend if you want to come," and then she looked directly at the girl next to me again. I was about to get ready to cry a few boo-hoo tears back at my desk when she looked at me and said, "If you want to come, too."
Little did she know, those six words, one comma, and one period had me bursting into happy tears in my heart. But of course I had to play it cool (duh) so I just said, "Yeah, that would be cool. I could probably cook something if I have time." And inside I was all, "OHMYGOD I can cook whatever you want! Casserole?! Dessert?! Fruits and vegetables?! A million dollars?! YAYAYAYAYAY!"
God, I'm such a fucking loser.
I'll probably have to write a post about how many times I embarassed myself this weekend. I'm betting 12, at the very least. Any takers?