Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I Miss You. Can We All Spoon? / Weigh-In Wednesday

So I figured I'd stop by and let everyone know posting and commenting will be pretty slow for the next couple of weeks. Ten bitches at my office have quit in the last two weeks, and we all know what that means, right?


That's right. I'm getting a promotion not because they think I'm amazing (which I am) but because they're shit out of luck with no employees right now. Oh well. I'll take it!

Here's a little sumthin' sumthin' to tide you over.

My friend works for a low income school where most of the students' parents are on welfare and don't really give a fuck if their kids go to school or not. They just had field day last week, as well as all the other schools in the parish.

My friend was looking through the pictures and saw that the nice schools had bouncy castles and ridiculously fun games for their field day while her school had stupid ass shit games that the kids didn't even care about. They even had to play tug-of-war against themselves. What the fuck, right?

So I decided to come up with a few field day games that might actually be helpful for these children in the future.

1. Running from the cops while wearing sagging jeans. Now this one definitely isn't easy. The whole time you're running, you have to hold on to your pants to make sure you can get away. It would also be a plus if we could have a dog chasing after them as well. Much more realistic.

2. Finding a place to hide your weed. Obviously, this is a very important task that these children will need to learn soon. If they want to evade arrest, they need to find the good places to hide their dime bags. Winner gets a free dime bag! What a deal!

3. Getting your twelve brothers and sisters ready for school in the morning. These kids often have to take care of themselves so this will play an important role in making sure they don't get beat for being late to school. Plus, once they have their own kids when they're 14, they'll be able to pass the tradition on.

That's all I got. I'll try to get back when I can, but things are pretty fucking crazy around my office right now so it might be a while.

Try to add a few extra fucks and shits to your day in honor of me.


Adding this on! Here goes nothing...

Starting Weight: 189.2
Last Week's Weight: 185.0
Current Weight: 182.4
This Week's Loss: 2.6
Total Loss: 6.8

This was after 2 weeks since I skipped weighing in last week so that's not too bad! I'm feeling a lot lighter, I'm running on the treadmill longer, and I'm eating a hell of a lot less junk food. Here's to keeping it up...


  1. Hahahahaha - I love your list of things the kids should learn. It's so sad. The same thing happens at the school my cousin's son goes to. The teachers don't care and they're just letting the kids slip by so they can get rid of them.

    I fear for my cousin's future - I hope he doesn't end up selling drugs in the ghetto.

  2. Your field day games would apply across the country nowadays.

    I still remember the good old days when we got ribbons for field day. Running stuff like the 50 yard dash, the 3-legged race, and tug-o-war.

    Now it's "Lets see who can run through the bouncy castle and inflatable obstacle course the fastest. but in single file.

    Hell, that takes all the fun of shoving people out of the way to win.

  3. I could never be a teacher.
    Fuck that shit.
    See, I'm already working on my fucks and shits.
    Tuesday WIN.

  4. Does this mean you will no longer have the suicide-worthy task of telling people which machine is the copier and which is the fax machine? Cause that job inspires me to kill people.

  5. Fuck. Shit. Asshole. Boob.


    My favorite field day game was always the parachute. You know what I'm talking about? I hope so 'cause I don't feel like typing out a long explanation. :)

    Nice gangsta field day games, home slice. Fo sheezie my neezie.

  6. My favorite would be #2. Finding a place to hide your weed. It is absolutely important that children know how to hide their weeds PROPERLY. And the prize at stake is just awesome! Haha!

    And yay for the promotion. And your weight loss. So effing awesome!