Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Hi, I'm the copier!

Disclaimer: This is *obviously* all in fun. So if anyone from work / school / real life in general should ever happen to stumble upon my blog, please try not to be a little bitch about it.

I am the receptionist at my company. Which basically means I'm the office bitch. I often hear, "Sara, I don't know how to use the copier. Will you do this for me?"

For some stupid reason, the receptionist desk is not located in the same room as the copier and fax machine. My desk is right around the corner, and some other poor woman has to sit in the office with the loud ass fax machine and piece of shit copier.

The woman in that office put post-its above both machines stating what they were. But every single time someone comes in to use either machine, they do the same thing. They walk in and stand in front of both machines. They look up at the post-its located directly above the machines. They turn around and ask, "Which one is the fax and which one is the copier?"

Seriously, people? I realize that life is really difficult without having someone walking next to you, holding your hand, guiding you through the world and all, but COME ON. At least observe your surroundings.

So this has become a running joke in the office between me and the poor, poor soul who is stuck sitting in that room. Every time we hear someone ask which one is the fax and which one is the copier, we just give each other the sad head shake for humanity.

Today, I changed desks and am now sitting in said office. I already knew what my first order of business would be.

My favorite thing about these signs is that I know, in my heart, that they are entirely passive-aggressive. But thanks to a picture of a smiling copier and a few exclamation points, people think I'm just being friendly and helpful.

Bitch, please.

If I could write how I really felt, I would put, "Look! Over here! How can you not tell this is a copier and that is a fax machine? How do you live in this world and not know that shit?"

Too strong?

Nah, I didn't think so, either.


  1. What happened to the Wednesday Weigh-In?

  2. I don't need a nudey picture but here's some advice from someone who is also trying to lose weight and has tried EVERYTHING in order to do so (including Weight Watchers): Nutrisystem. The food isn't bad, I'm not hungry and the weight is literally falling off. I think it might be magic.

  3. I feel badly that you don't have a copier/scanner/fax all in one. Because that would save everyone the time and trouble of asking you.

    Also, seriously dipshits you can't figure out which is which. Did you go to college prior to 1980? I swear to god, i am too angry to work in that job and not kill someone.

  4. haha thanks sara for the hi. I have known you wayy too long and have wayy too many hours that I'm not working to stalk people's blogs. sorry. I did the same thing for the scanner and copier at the place I worked when I was a receptionist. I'm like really? it's not that hard.

  5. What does one have to do to get one of these nudey pictures?

    Ummm...I ask for a friend.

  6. wow, tell me how you really feel! You are just way too obscure for me to understand what it is that you are trying to say. Or maybe I forgot how to read and I am getting my personal android to write this very message to you so it seems like I can read and write (yes, of course I have one doesn't everyone?)
    Or maybe I am the android who actually is the entire internet and now you are under my spell of internettyness oh yah! you know you how hot your vag jay jay gets for my internettyness
    just don't tell anyone ...ok...it's our little secret
    Vag Jay Jay Twins Activate, form of Internettyness!

  7. people are douches. that's my motto. those signs will definitely trick people into thinking you're being kind and helpful. hopefully their brains will start working eventually...

  8. I think the paper coming out of the copier should've said "POS" instead of "BOS". Just to be funny to see if anyone would notice and say "hey- POS, Piece of Shit. hardee har har..."

    no? ok. :)

  9. ha a fax looks nothing like a copier. I would like to say no one where i work is that stupid, but i constantly get asked 'how does this copier work?' followed by me showing them the 'on' button. Sad, sad times.


  10. itschaotic stole my fucking funny. What THE fuck? (Just one more because you like them so much: Fuck.)

    I HATE it when people ask me to copy their shit when I'm not THEIR assistant. It really burns my ass. See, I have a supervisor (which I refer to as "the boss" or "63 year old lady" on the blog) and I have a "big boss" which is our department director. The big wig. The stinky cheese.

    We share an office suite with another department because in ours there are only four employees. They have about 10...all women. Everyone has their own office and the copy machine etc has it's own room. And these fuckers from up the hall that don't even work in my area, and the one other person in my department that doesn't get to boss me around, are always asking me to copy, fax, run this over there, call so-in-so, wax my asshole.


    Let's cuddle.

  11. love it. i once was a receptionist too and every time i was "reviewed" i got stellar "grades" on the work accomplished, but poor scores in anger management.

    you should suggest a policy of waterboarding for anyone incapable of faxing and/or copying. i think they'd learn pretty quick.