Wednesday, April 7, 2010


The other day, Fiancee and I were driving home from Wal-Mart when he saw four or five large piles of hay for all the cows to eat. (Is this just a southern thing?)

Fiancee: I want to set all those piles on fire right now.

Me: You wouldn't have time to set them all on fire. The police would be here in ten minutes, and you would get arrested. Unless you could morph into a cow or something to disguise yourself. But then what if you didn't have time to morph back into a human and you got picked for slaughter?

Fiancee: I wouldn't be picked for slaughter. Those aren't even slaughter cows! Besides, I would change back in plenty of time.

Me: You don't know that you'll have time to change back. And I don't want to be eating you at Sonic later this week because you were too dumb to think this plan through. Maybe you could just change into a bird and fly off.

Fiancee: I'll change into a lion. Nobody will kill a lion.

Me: They'll catch you and put you in a zoo. Then I'll never see you again!

Fiancee: Hello? I'm a lion. I'll just run away really fast into the woods.

Me: Woods? What the fuck, Fiancee? There aren't woods around Walmart anywhere.

Fiancee: Sara, it's LOUISIANA. It's all woods.

Me: Can you please just turn into a bird? You don't seem to understand the rules behind animorphing. And I'm a professional. I read every single Animorphs book there was.

Fiancee: I'm turning into a lion. End of discussion.


Me: Maybe a cheetah?

Finacee: *glare*

It's a good thing one person in this relationship knows how the animorphs world works. Otherwise, I'm not sure this thing between us would last.


  1. This is so strange, because my husband tried to animorph into a baboon who shits gold nuggets. It's all part of our retirement plan. He got the baboon part correct, but not the gold nuggets. Damn it.

  2. What's the point of a baboon without gold nuggets? Men just don't think sometimes!

  3. If I could animorph into something it would be cat. Because they get to sleep 18 hours a day.

    Love your post.

  4. To top LS, LW I'm going to say that I'd animorph into a bear, because they hibernate for MONTHS.

    I never read Animorphs, but I remember whenever I went to Target with my mom, I'd always pick up one of the books, and do that morph thingy at the bottom corner of the page. Good times

  5. how about animorphing into a dragon? it would be easier for him to set those hays on fire and then fly away.

    wait. dragons can fly, right? ;D

  6. I think it depends on the type of dragon. I'm not sure I trust him to try to morph into a dragon. He would probably accidentally turn himself into a lizard and then we'd all be fucked.

  7. hahaha animorphs!!! the books that made me hate my childhood because i could not turn into animals at whim and fight yerks.

    i always wanted to order 'a happy meal with extra happy' just to see what would happen. what if someone did order it with extra happy but they just wanted the happy, not the brain slug? then they'd go down in the basement and be like 'OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK I JUST WANTED MY FRENCH FRIES WITH A SMILE'

    bird's definitely the safe route. it may not be the coolest, but if you get stuck as one, tobais proved that it's livable. imagine trying to hide as a lion for the rest of your life? yikes.

  8. I want to make love to both of you now.

    Sweet morphing love.