Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Birthday Week Blues

"Birthday Week" was a very big deal in my household growing up. My sister and I would always say that we could do whatever we wanted during our birthday week.

Mom: Sara, do the dishes.
Me: It's my birthday week. I'm not doing shit!
Mom: Excuse me?
Me: Um, yes ma'am?

So it may not have always worked, but we definitely tried. Yesterday began my birthday week... and so begins my sad, sad tale of the shitty, horrible, no good, very bad birthday week.

I woke up at 7:35 yesterday morning and was out the door at 7:45 (my usual). The road I take faces directly East. Being that it was 7:45 AM, the sun was in the East and blinded my fucking vision. Also, there are NO. FUCKING. YELLOW. LINES. on this road. Because apparently this tiny town is just not important enough for silly little things like LINES that keep traffic SAFE. So since there aren't any safe, life saving yellow lines, I can't tell if I'm on the road or not. That is just how shitty the roads in my town are. They might as well be dirt. Right as I think I'm almost at the end of the road...

A FUCKING TRUCK AND TRAILER POP OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE FUCK FUCK WHAT THE FUCK?! This genius decided to park juuuuuuust right off the tip of the road. Apparently I forgot that stupid dickheads park right off the road. WHERE THEY NEVER PARK. Until yesterday, of course. As my car tears into the end of their trailer, I simultaneously scream, slam on the breaks, and start crying. Because I always cry when I get in wrecks. To the point where people are asking if I've been injured. And I almost wish I have been because then at least I would have a reason to be crying like a fucking moron.

Good morning, Birthday Week! I almost forgot how much I hate you every single FUCKING year. Because every year, on my birthday week, something always goes wrong.

Oh, and when the cop was talking to me at the end of all of this, his answer to driving while the sun is in your eyes?

"Don't drive."

WHOA. I think we need to hire this guy to solve the problems of the world. From now on, every morning, my boss will be receiving this call.

"Hello, W? Yeah, I'm going to be about two hours late this morning. I have to wait for the sun to rise a little. Ha ha. That crazy fucking sun."

Happy 21st Birthday Week to me! I'll be the one getting drunk and laughing/crying all night!

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